A-Sexy Due Diligence part 2
So you meet a guy and immediately after The Grill I now Google him. Never again will I be caught out by a guy whose criminal record is on the internet. I Google and corroborate the stories he’s told me so far. Things like what he does / did for work or went to University or School would normally come up. If not then you proceed with a Twitter, Facebook and Blog search. Don’t be afraid to search for images either.
A guy that has none of these will probably find my need to blog on sex and dating a little weird and therefore highly unlikely that we will be an ideal match. But also I find guys who have no virtual presence a little too good at keeping their secrets secret. Ask him about his use of whatsapp / bbm and the others because you may be getting involved with someone who is a time traveller from a different age and that has all sorts of social problems. Does he have friends? Will he suffocate your need to tweet every day? I’m just wary.
Dating sites are fundamentally flawed as everyone lies on them. I will never ever be close to 8 stone and yet I happily tick the slim box as there is nothing that says African curvy but small on top. Athletic is a lie. Men lie about height, job, marital status, dick size and hobbies. The last book he read was Harry Potter or a Wired magazine. But he’s put down some 19th Century Russian dude? Suggest a first date to Waterstone’s and see how well he knows his way around. Unless it’s something wanky like Guardian Soulmates in which case he probably did read it….at uni! So assume the worst and do your due diligence regardless.
If he passes the virtual then it’s time for the reality. The best way is to go to his place. Photographic evidence is useful but you can also determine if he is housetrained or if there are worrying signs that the feminine touches to the house are still recent. These can be anything from frills to smells. Men’s houses smell different to women’s’. You need to be like a bloodhound but work quickly. My motto is check the Bed (room), bath(cupboards) and beyond (kitchen and spare rooms). Does his space match up with everything he told you or is this a place he has loaned? He claims not to have children and yet, what’s that rubber toy on the edge of the bath? That’s not an adult toy.
I should have known something was up when a guy struggled to open the front door for me then wasn’t sure where the drink glasses were kept. He had to move a light bulb from one room to another and the heating wasn’t on. This wasn’t a good look as I hate the cold. It turns out that this empty flat was on loan from his friend the estate agent.
Ok so he’s still doing ok, you’re shagging him by now and he calls regularly enough for you to trust that he is who he says he is. You can reach him on his mobile at various times of the day and night and yet he’s not too available that you start to wonder if he has a life. But what about his social life? If most of your interaction happens in your respective bedrooms then this is harder to decipher. A key is to see him around other people to know what he’s really like. He may claim to be a pacifist and love everyone but he’s rude to waiters and barges past old people. You want to see him out with strangers as well as with friends and family. One guy I know was all “so what, cha, you alriiiiiight!” and walked with a pimp limp out of a blaxploitation movie when it was the two of us but when he spoke to his parents on the phone he was …different. “Yes Mummy of course I will.” He sat straight and sounded lovely. Turns out that he was rebelling against boarding school and a home counties upbringing bless him.
So there you have it. The need for due diligence is not something that I will give up unless I have references from 3 of his exes that are certified and a letter from the Pope / a religious elder. Even then I think there is a need for independence. DIY Due Diligence is the way forward for less risky, safer dating in modern times. Oh how I yearn for feudal times where our Fathers did all the hard work.
© Chelsea Black