A lot of people ask me why they are still single when on paper they seem to be doing all of the right things to find their person. Or are they? There are common mistakes that are so easily made and that need to be identified to be changed, right. Here are 7 dating habits keeping you single. If you find yourself relating to any of these then it may be time to reflect and reset before you go back out there.
Dating Habit 1: You’re stuck in the dating wheel
Like a lot of activities a lot of us are stuck in the dating wheel. We know how to date and we’ve figured out which apps or methods work best for us. But then why isn’t it working? Short answer: The wheel is the same but we aren’t. It’s like anything. 10% more effort doesn’t actually produce 10% more results. Instead you need to put in 50% more effort for the same results and, maybe review how we engage with the dating wheel. Take Dating Apps; they worked well 5 to 10 years ago but have been harder to navigate with the sheer numbers of users since the pandemic.
Dating Habit 2: You’re low key addicted to dating
Some people get a dopamine rush from dating. I see this a lot in women post date 1 or 2. They start gushing about the other person like they’re perfectly cooked plantain.Then a few dates later they’re over that one and are gushing about someone new? One, Sis, tell us how you are getting all of these amazing first dates.
Meanwhile others find the whole process nerve wracking and daunting. For the dopamine daters there is a rush at the beginning of dating which actually disappears as you continue to date the same person. You are actually only interesting in the first high like any addict and so you continue to search for that. Maybe you think relationships are boring and you aren’t interesting in that fix?
Dating Habit 3: You’re a commitment phobe
Ok so some of you just enjoy the activity of dating and have no real objective of turning it into a relationship. You’ll typically go on 1-3 dates and then you ghost. Some even go as long as 3 to 4 months of dating before saying it’s not working for them or breadcrumbing. This is classic wasteman behaviour.
Wouldn’t it better if you just say that you enjoy dating and you don’t ACTUALLY want a relationship. Claim it and move on so that the rest of us aren’t having to deal with your commitment phobic nonsense. And if you suspect that this is you, get another hobby, I beg.
Dating Habit 4: You’re bored of dating
There was a time when I was swiping 100 swipes before bed so that I could get my 40 day dates going. I was bored. There was nothing new out there and there were a lot of weirdos so bored often leads to boring dates. You answer the same poorly thought out questions as to why you’re still single and you time the date, plotting a reasonable escape plan. You’re bored but feel like you need to date to show that you’re at least making an effort.
My advice? Take a break! When you find yourself going through the motions and repeating yourself then the chances are you aren’t giving your best first date energy. Rest my dear. Dating will still be there in a few weeks / months / years.