The wasteman

The wasteman

Yesterday I was asked what a wasteman was and I found myself writing the following without thinking:

A wasteman is a man who wastes your time because he’s not serious about you and / or his life. His life philosophy centres on his base needs which are not to be tied down by any woman and, his ego needs  which is to be adored.  He is a free sexual spirit. He will give you the impression that he wants to be tamed but, this draws you into a false sense of hope and feeds into your need for a potential project. It’s a lie. Don’t fall for it. No man needs a woman to coach him into maturing and getting into a relationship. You are not strong enough my Precious. He will ghost you and you will wonder why. It’s in his DNA. DO NOT ANSWER his calls.  

A house is not a home

Generally found living at home / renting with others in his late 30s to 60s before the Council put him into care.  The travelling wasteman also exists. He will claim to be a laptop millionaire through something called affiliate marketing but gets western unions from the bank of mum and dad or the ghosts of girlfriends past. He just couch surfs or finds a woman at the club who will adopt him so that he can move out of the hostel.  

Work Situation

He’s a slasher who has time to go to the gym and look cute. Slashers tend to have 5 different job  roles all of which make no money except the one in retail or fast food or bars. The rest are just great slasher fillers. E.g. rapper / artist / philosopher with no real body of work or need for money. The rapper / barista / political activists on hash tagged causes. He will not normally be defined by one role unless he is a musician or poet.  

Their Favourite Hobbies

He usually can sex well because that’s how he gets a home cooked meal and a bed for nights when there are too many people at the house share or uMama has church group. An overgrown student who may or may not have 4 degrees (all pending completion or payment)

He has a habit of ghosting / tagging you and can keep your non relationship going for years on half whispered promises and a bit of cunnilingus.

He likes to do some or all of the following: hang with the guys, drink, do drugs he didn’t buy, day dream, draw, waste people’s time, pretend he’s 15 years younger than he is, headfuck you literally and emotionally. Yep. He’s a headfuck but he’s usually charismatic or has a sob story so you fall for it. Don’t fall for it!

How to spot one

Common star signs : Gemini / Libra / Sagittarius / Aquarius / Cancers (So basically watch out for those air signs)

Names beginning with: A, C, D, P, R, T (Andys, Chris’s, Derricks, Richards, Phillips, Trevors and all their derivatives)


They generally idolise rap songs but can woo hard with 90s RnB. Watch their wooing because, like the lyrics, it was written by someone else so there’s no real soul there. If they are white then indie or emo rock. If older then Prog rock. They play the guitar and write songs that nobody has ever heard. Nobody. You just hear them playing the same chords over and over again but you never hear the full song This is a wasteman red flag.   

To whoever needed to see this, you’re welcome!

Disclaimer: I don’t want to hear from men about NOT ALL WASTEMEN. All wastemen please and thank you.

© Chelsea Black 2019

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