How to be a Video Wanker

The script

Easier when live I know but you’re going to have to say something sexy. Heavy breathing as you stare sexily into your phone isn’t the one. For starters we may not be able to see your face. Remember we talked about angling earlier? For another, I hate to break this to you but your sexy face looks like you’re taking a dump. Love and light!

So you need to come up with some VW words to help keep the mood. I’ll leave this to your imagination but, maybe try making it less about you and your dick. Make it about her and what you’re doing to her. Just a thought because we want this to land well with your prey, I mean, date.

The money shot

Speaking of, where are you going to land all that cum? I say this as a concerned viewer who has watched many a man struggle with where to put it all.(this is also a great time to remind you all that a great diet with lots of fluids can help you look more VW potent. Nobody wants to see you put in all 3 minutes of effort to then watch a piddle of lumpy cum erupt in one shit. If you’re having to strain and look like you’re having a heart attack then maybe you need to drink 3 gallons of pineapple juice? And go for that prostrate exam when lockdown ends. You’re welcome.)

My advice would be not to go for the screen shot. Rather aim for your stomach. Let’s face it, it’s a bigger surface area and you have less chance of missing. We all know aim isn’t all of your strong points.

The End

I would end with a thank you for cumming to my Ted Talk. Lighten the mood with some humour. I jest. Firstly, don’t assume she came. Those wonderful 3 minutes weren’t the one. Be grateful she isn’t laughing and sending it to all of her friends (Note: She’s sending it to all of her friends as you wipe down). I would personalise it. Something like, “Thanks for watching this Chelsea! I do hope you’ll send me one back after you give up on love and life?” should suffice?

Also you need to be your own worst critic. Watch it back. Edit. Change angles or whatever and do it again. What do you mean you’re a one pump chump and we’ll have to wait until tomorrow? Urgh, I can’t with you.

Oil well and look happy

My parting words are these: I implore you all not to send these videos but if you’re going to then, do itwell please and save us all from the horror of poor quality Video Wankers.

Thank you for cumming to my Video Wanker Ted Talk and to find out where my hatred of video wanking came from click here.

© Chelsea Black 2020 (The Rona Era)

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