Facebook flirtations and Faux pas

F is for Facebook flirtation Faux pas

So here is the thing about flirting on Facebook – It makes people brave but can also expose a lot about them. It makes some incredibly lazy as they reckon they can opt in and out of flirtations at a whim. They just stop calling but in a much more blatant way as you can still see that they are online and they haven’t fallen off a cliff. In my head there is a Cliff in the Caribbean somewhere near a beautiful waterfall where all the wastemen go when they pull a disappearing act. But when the green light for chat is on then you know that either his fall wasn’t fateful or ….he’s still online just flirting with someone else.

I’m all for banter flirting where we exchange quips in a Shakespearian mess of innuendos and the odd double entendre. That is pure fun. But there are a number of Faux pas moves when it comes to the flirt though that we have to consider. Be warned that any of these are enough to turn a flirt cold.

Mr. Nigistence

Persistence or Nigistence as I call it is getting old. It was cute in the 80s when we watched Hollywood movies of men who saw a woman across a room, immediately realised this was the one for him and pursued her relentlessly despite her spending 81 minutes saying no.  But no I reckon there is an automated persistence programme on Facebook which picks up when you are online and pounces with that smooth opening line… “Hey.” This is followed with 5 or 6 more Hellos!!! Every time you log on? Clearly you don’t want to talk to them. But they reckon they will wear you down eventually.

Mr. Nothing to say

There are those that say hello and how are you with confidence but then have nothing to say and expect you to carry the conversation. Dude, you started this at least have some gems to make a sister laugh or something. There was a cute mutual friend who used to do this all the time and eventually I told him that I wasn’t having it. What interesting things was he bringing to the table? He was really offended at being called boring and hit back with … “Well you’re just mean!” Hmmmm These ones indicate potential for lazy sex. I just don’t have time for those that initiate but don’t finish what they start.

Mr.  No spell checker

I’ve recently heard from someone whose spelling / grammar started giving me anxiety attacks. I know that this is my issues but I just don’t understand why someone thinks I want to read their bad English?  I told him about himself and he said that he was using the short versions of things. There was no mention of the grammar.  I realised that some don’t know that they are doing it and they are now hiding behind the txt speak phenomenon. Like life isn’t bad enough we have to decipher what the other person is saying?

Mr. Tortoise

If you are online then it shouldn’t take ages for you to respond to a chat. I don’t know why it feels like we are emailing each other as opposed to chatting but a conversation with so many silences isn’t going to work. If you are attempting to multitask that’s fine as I can easily have 3 or 4 conversations at once. But I shouldn’t even know that this is what you are doing. I also suspect some are cutting and pasting lines from elsewhere which leads me onto ….

Mr Cut and Paste

Dude what is this about? Bad enough on the dating sites but on facebook? Is nothing sacred. There I am in the middle of a chat and I get a chat about my long blonde hair or my long legs and I know that he’s not talking to me. Poetry is the worst as clearly he is hiding behind his inability to write anything original. I can’t. A sniff of a cut and paste and I’m off.

The Visualists

Those that insist on seeing what you look like before they will commit to flirting are only surpassed by those that say it doesn’t matter what you look like and then when they do see you they say something lovely like “Oh! I thought you were going to look more glamorous” Or my favourite “You look more Caribbean thank African” and wonder why you no longer pick up their calls.

Of course most men are a combination of some of the above but nothing pisses me off more than the one who pretends he’s not living with someone or forgets that he’s married. Seriously dude Facebook is not the space for that nonsense.

Right that’s it. I’m off to bed before I get stuck having a conversation with a guy about why he has so many photos of women he has never slept with on his wall. This can’t end well, right?

© Chelsea Black