Beware the hobosexual part 2

Beware the hobosexual part 2

It’s a horrible feeling to date and have to look for signs that something is not quite right with him but, alas, this is the modern age. We no longer have the security of dating without doing our due diligence. And now you have to watch out for a new pest in the West: the hobosexual

My hobosexual experience

I’ve had a few but the one that stands out was the one who lived with his best friend( a delightful woman by all accounts) and had done so for months in New Cross. I remember it because I’m not a fan of New Cross and understood his wanting to leave.

Then, he started telling me about how his best friend was troubling him and had fallen in love with him. This was a major inconvenience. Then the stories were all about how crazy she was and that he needed to get away from her! He started making noises about moving in with me. I mean, we talked for hours on the phone but I wasn’t really ready to talk soft furnishings when we hadn’t even met?

At the same time he was telling me about how amazing I was. I didn’t disagree with him. All was going well and we had planned to meet up. Then, all of a sudden he got his phone bill and realised that I wasn’t on EE. I was on O2 and he owed EE a big bill. I asked him how much and it was less than my monthly bill so clearly I didn’t understand frugality and how this pained him. He said that he would send me a new sim card so that he could continue to court me. Fine. I sensed the mood shift like I was also becoming problematic. Is it my fault he didn’t network check me at the beginning?

Then, we met. Apart from realising he was a lot smaller then he had portrayed and he wreaked of wasteman, he clicked that he wasn’t going to be able to con me. I never did get that sim card and he started withdrawing his hints about moving in with me. He found a new target. Best she’s on EE.

Hanging in the Gym

A friend told me about a man in his 40s whose most prized possessions were his gym membership and oystercard. Whenever he was chucked out from another woman’s home he just hung out in the 24 gym or rode the bus all day. Where are you going riding on aimless buses though? This seemed to work until he could make it to the next weekend and find a hook up at a bar / club. I mean, in his 40s! I can’t with this nonsense

Covid and the Hobosexual

So beware my singirls and singuys. Now is the time when people are going to be looking at their bank accounts and starting to join apps for all of the wrong reasons. Yeah, it’s not just sex anymore. They want your British Gas Homecare deal as well as your body.  

I advise that you:

  1. Don’t tell them you live alone. Ever. Or that you own your own home. Maybe tell then that you too are hobosexual. See them run!  
  2. Make sure that you have at least 3 dates out and about before you bring them home. Yeah invest in that winter coat Honey because, those walks are going to fast become your go to date.
  3. Suggest you go to his first  Yes it’s a mission but you’ll know for sure what you’re working with. If you see a whole heap of suitcases then…RUN!
  4. Look out for that heavy as fuck rucksack. That’s not because he’s planning to save the children in some remote Village. That’s his life in a bag.

Happy dating and if you do decide to go down the hobosexual route because you think it’s the right thing to do and you’re desperate then, at least make sure he does some of the cooking and housework? Maybe a bit of DIY?

© Chelsea Black® 2020 During the Covid Era


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