A recent conversation with a friend struggling to date highlighted something that I’d suspected for a long time. The reality is that dating is dead. It used to be a whole industry of gifts and films and restaurants and Valentine’s Day but then the internet and covid came in and has wiped that sucker out. We aren’t even pretending anymore. So here are the 7 reasons why dating is dead.
1. Swiping is selecting, not dating
So dating apps has turned dating into a speed dating on meth experience. The number of times I’ve lost focus whilst swiping then realising that the man of my dreams may be in the meh pile as I was multitasking and watching rom coms at the same time. So it’s critical to not see the selection part of apps as the key to dating. Literally the easiest thing is to make someone a maybe. But then actual operational navigation of small talk, arranging a meet up and showing them how amazing you are are lost in translation on apps. Besides, they’re probably distracted by 13 other conversations (true story) and so will respond to the one who demands it the most without being too demanding?
2. Lying killed the date
It used to be that we would put all our chips on the table and hope that was enough. Alas now we have to accept that everyone is lying about everything but there is no way you will find out the truth. The most common lies are:
- Relationship Status
- What they want
So there you are on a day with an Amos, single, 42 and 6 foot who turns out to be a Patrick , separated sort of, 53 and 5’6. It’s a mess. A clue to lying is that they will often delay meeting and then casually drop the lies in the chat. “ Oh by the way, I’m not QUITE 6 feet. Hehehe” Thanks there Pat for stating the obvious. Now I’ll have to rethink the 4 inch heels.
3. The Art of Conversation is dead
So you have managed to get through stages 1 and 2 fairly unscathed and you find yourself on the date. This is when you realise that people aren’t able to date anymore. Either you get someone who interviews you like an investigator on CSI or you get the sound bite superficial guy who is wondering how much of this he has to endure before he can get into your knickers. Because this is what dating is now like. 90 – 180 minutes of sheer torture as you both sit there slightly disappointed that he’s 10 years older than he said on his profile. YES, I’m still bitter.
But seriously people have forgotten how to do the get to know you conversation. Talk about current affairs, your local area, hobbies etc. Save the deep stuff and the questions for date 3. See if you just enjoy the other person’s company and feel safe with them is enough. Nobody feels safe in an interview interrogation situation.