5 Ways to Just Sex

Chatting to a guy t’other day and he described wanting Love and Sex as two different, distinct things. And that makes sense? Sometimes you don’t want a whole emotional relationship; you just want to get off and get on with your life. You’re busy. You’ve got things to do but, that porn is getting yawnsome and you’re no longer able to fake date. So what do you do when all you want is just sex? This is a quick guide on 5 ways to just sex . Enjoy! 

Why bars and clubs don’t work for just sex 

Let’s take a step back because things have changed. Before Brexit, the Pandemic and the Cozzie Livs crisis, people were living in their own spaces and living their best lives. But now we’ve got more sharing and those who are still living at home with dependent children or with their parents. Unless you’ve got hotel money chances are picking someone up at a bar and going home with them isn’t the easiest solution. Plus it’s not that safe to host a one night stand (ONS) these days. They will then know where you live and some will even try to move in! Read Hobosexuals 101 

So here’s the thing; the person needs to be on exactly the same page as you on what’s going to happen here. You can’t trick a date into getting into a FwB scenario or a Fuck buddy one because they will very most definitely resent you for it at some point. Wining and dining someone looking for an emotional connection is just a headfuck and not in a ‘good’ way.  One has to make sure the person is as uninvested as you are and never give faux relationship. Don’t talk about your problems (we seriously don’t give a fuck) your dreams deferred and ambitions unrealised (save it for your therapist), your children or your exes (nah). Keep it light, fun, physical and 100% transparent. Cool, let’s move onto where to find it. And we are starting with the obvious. 

Just Sex Apps 

There are sex apps but they are so heavily botted that it’s difficult to know if you’re talking to a real person. There are also a lot of timewasters on there. Like, A LOT. Some people just want to get off on conversation or are married so just foreplaying. If you are married then go on the married and wanting an affair apps and leave the rest of us alone, I beg. Best App? Tinder or Grindr . People aren’t even pretending to want more than sex on there half the time. Bumble and Hinge still act as if they want romance so avoid these if sex is the end game. Don’t headfuck people with false dating. I’d avoid couples as few have the self awareness to share nicely. Avoid married people if morally you abhor cheating. Qualify why they just want sex as some will lure you in with that but secretly want more. 

Just Sex parties / clubs 

The other day I looked up Killing Kittens and it’s STILL going strong. Not sure in this post pandemic era I want to be skinshipping with unknowns but, it’s an option. The thing with a lot of hetero sex clubs and parties is that it’s focused on women’s safety and therefore single men are not really as welcome. It’s couples mainly. But if you’re a woman then go forth and enjoy. Health and Safety is key and if you’re into the PnP/ Chemsex scene then please ensure you’re PrEPed. As for the sex clubs and parties…you have to do a lot of work on the websites / apps to make these work for you. Turning up and expecting sex isn’t always going to work. 

Just Pay for Sex 

A controversial addition to the list but sometimes it pays to pay. You know there won’t be the issues of emotional entanglements etc. And it’s quasi legal in most places so you don’t have to do that whole curb crawling for crackheads in Kings X thing that some proudly did in the past. I digress but Kings Cross is gentrified now so don’t try it. Check before you pay for massage parlours etc as some really are just massages without the happy ending you may seek. Sex tourism is a growing industry with lots of people travelling for sex as well although with shows like 90 Day Fiance(e) I’m not sure how viable that is if you just want sex. Passport bros and sisses, I wish you a bon voyage but this seems a lot more laborious than it’s worth? 

Just Sex the Ex 

So unless you’re a virgin you have exes and they MAY be willing to accommodate a repeat. Hoping they aren’t now in different situationships you can scroll through that dusty phone and see who you can hit up. Sex with an ex is the fastest way to get decent sex as you both know what’s up. The problem is if there are any lingering emotions on either side then abort mission. Yes, crazy sex with the ex seems like fun until you’re both back in court because tyres are slashed.

Just Sex Friends

If you have friends who are single and also not quite ready to mingle then you could opt for the friends with benefits option. If you’re really good friends then the conversation shouldn’t be too awkward but the first time may require copious amounts of alcohol to get over the giggling. I’d suggest writing an agreements or a fuckit list of dos and don’t as explaining to your group of friends as to why you and whomever are no longer talking because of a stray finger in a butthole may prove awkward But above all if you are only going to have sex, be honest. You really want to get those dating karma points up and having fun sex is one way of doing it. And you know what, maybe bars and Clubs do still work with the magic that is booze so don’t completely dismiss it. Now, go forth and enjoy!  I’m off to make my Forties FuckIt List 


© Chelsea Black® 2023 

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