The undateables

I know it’s hard to find a good, sustainable relationship in this urban jungle called life but there are those that you must avoid. These are the true undateables. I don’t think being vertically challenged makes someone undateable. The test is simple: Can he lift me without needing hospital intervention? Then he’s dateable. But is he cheap? Then we are not a match. Here are some others:

1)      Don’t date the unready.

There are those that think that they are ready for a relationship. They’ll tell you that they are ready for a relationship. They’ll talk about what the relationship looks like. Then they’ll go and do fucked up stupid things that tell you that they’re not ready for a plant let alone a relationship with another person. Run my precious, run for the wind because when he is ready he may realise that he isn’t ready for you and still waste your time. I know some of you think if you get one of these you can hang on in there until he is ready but that may not be in your lifetime and who is to say that when he is ready he’ll want it to be you?

2)      Don’t date dumb.
I’ve done this and it’s great but most men need longer to recover in between rounds and then they want to talk and shit. Apparently talking is something that dumb people think they do really well but, it just sounds dumb. Now this isn’t about education. This is about not dating the equivalent of Joey Essex. Date those that you can have a laugh with even if they may be carrying a few extra pounds after Christmas.

3)      Don’t date Peter Pan.

This isn’t a cry to halt your cougar trail of destruction through Dalston and Shoreditch on a Friday night out (God I miss those random nights of waking up and wondering what the nearest tube line might be). No this is about not dating those that are so immature you want to whisk out your breast and feed them. The young are great because they will get older. But the young at heart aren’t likely to grow up anytime soon. Best you wait for that Peter Pan that wants to become Peter Parent before he meets you.

4)      Don’t date liars.

If he makes an excuse once you can let it slide but don’t date a man who always has a reason why he can’t do something or hasn’t done what he says he’s going to do. The chances are he’s just a liar and the worst thing is that he believes his own bullshit so there’s no point thinking you’ll ever get the truth out of him. Bold face liars are worse and obvious but it’s those that take very little responsibility for their actions that will eventually tire you out and piss you off.

5)      Don’t date the unhappy.

Now this one is harder because some people are never happy. But these are the sort of people that will suck the life out of the room and eventually you. It’s ok for someone to be in a situation for a period of time but it’s how they approach it that matters. If they can’t be happy when they’re with you then chances are they’re just a miserable person and misery loves company. Wait, if you’re a miserable woman than maybe this is exactly what you need?

Obviously if he’s a combination of any of these and you’re not happy then you need to stop reading and dump them. It’s not going to get any better.

So my precious go forth and avoid the numpties that walk the face of this earth masked as grown up men. There’s someone out there for everyone.  I just think mine is lost in the Home Counties (or Zone 3) trying to find his way home.

© Chelsea Black