The single, childless woman

You still don’t have kids!!

biological clock 3I called an old friend last week after 2 years of no contact. Like me he is divorced. Unlike he me has a child. I discovered that he got married last year to a lovely woman who should have been his first pick if we are being honest.  And as much as I love my friend by the end of the conversation I was considering letting another 2 years pass before we speak again. He told me not to deny myself children. Sagely I considered this. Yes this is what I have been doing. NOT!  Doesn’t he know that the dating jungle has changed since the advent of social media and globalisation! I didn’t choose this!

But then I thought about it and maybe I did? I’m a stickler for the use of condoms and most of my relationships have a 3 strike policy / 3 month time limit. Is it me? No.

I’ve done the typical thing of considering sperm banks but:

1) the UK refuse to release photos  of sperm donors. I don’t want to take the risk of ugly.

2) black sperm availability is drastically down since the no anonymity laws came in and they suggest that your child look as much like your family as possible so don’t just grab any ethnicity.

3) I actually don’t want to do it alone. I would rather someone else be there to tell them off about their grammar or whatever it is that parents moan about.

I wonder when being single and childless will be seen as a positive for women as it is for men?  I have had conversations with everyone from strangers to relatives who look at you pityingly and then they say something patronising such as;

“Don’t worry, you’ll find someone soon.  “Or worse, “What do you think you are doing wrong?”

Quite simply there is nothing that I’m doing wrong. I’m out there enjoying my life and hoping that I bump into the poor sod who will fall head over heels (but not my good heels) in love, as will I, and we will spend the rest of our lives laughing and shagging our way through the days and nights. Is this too much to ask? I really hope not. And I don’t want to be one of those women that dates with the view of turning every man into a donor. Let’s face it, most are for giggles.

So next time an old friend calls try to be a little sensitive if they still hasn’t managed to breed a litter of hopes and dreams. Maybe she’s waiting to trip up some unsuspecting man and fall strategically on his penis. Like Mel B.

©Chelsea Black



  1. Yeah…. but the main difference is… a man at 50, 60 or 70 can still father a child. Women don’t have that luxury. Bear that in mind, while you wait for the unsuspecting penis to trip over.

    There comes a time in a woman’s life, when she has to just do what she has to do… child-bearing (whether biologically or by adoption). Love, penis, romance have no expiry date and can be found later in life.

    Besides no child wants a geriatric mummy, who for fear of a cardiac, can’t attempt the sack race at sports day.

    • When that time comes that’s fine but there are women who settle way too early and are pressured by others to do things for fear of being old or their biological clock busting.

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