A -Sexy: B is for Blow up dolls (reminded by @kamranassadi)
More on Dolls when we get to D but a quick piece on…the blow up doll.
One day I was walking around Soho on a mission. My male friend loved porn and Swedish girls so I was off to find the perfect Swedish porn combination. Where else but Soho because typically on African time, I’d left it too later to order it off the internet.
Anyway it was lunch time and as I strode into sex shop after sex shop I noticed that the clientele seemed someone uncomfortable with my presence. Was it a race thing? No it was a gender thing. This was 2002 and not many women could be found having long convoluted conversations with the staff on video / DVD choices. In my defence I didn’t really do porn at this time.
ME: So how big ARE the tits? He likes tits!
BORED STORE GUY: Erm, normal size?
ME: Have you seen it? Is it good? What’s the story line?
BORED STORE GUY: I don’t know.
ME: I need big! Give me big! But they have to be Swedish and blonde.
BORED STORE GUY: We have Amazonians in the Jungle? They’ve got big tits
ME: [Hopefully]Are they Swedish ?
BORED STORE GUY: No, they’re from the Amazon
ME: [pause] How big are the tits?
BORED STORE GUY: Big
ME: No, sorry, I need Swedish. Do you know where else I can go?
BORED STORE GUY: NO. Try Sweden.
I eventually found a female friendly store. As I walked around the store picking up silicone butt plugs and all sorts of other delights I noticed that I had picked up an admirer. Dressed in a long beige mac (the sex store uniform of the early noughties) he looked like all the other lunch time browsers I’d seen thus far. Except, he was spending an inordinate amount of time near the blow up dolls. You can tell those that are browsing from the connoisseurs. He knew his vinyl from his latex.
A man sticking his dick into a blow up doll does nothing for me. As he finally plucked up the courage to leave his new friends and come and say hi I freaked out. I mumbled something polite, flashed a smile and ran out of there.
There’s nothing attractive about Blow up dolls guys so if that’s your flavour deflate your little friends and hide them well. Because no woman wants to look at that god awful expression on their face and think…. my tits aren’t that big.
© Chelsea Black A-Sexy