the marriage debate

So I’ve figured it out. It’s only taken me 30 years – yeah I’m 30 this week. Who knows what age I will be next week. Anyway I digress. Back in the olden days marriage was a great business arrangement between the middle and upper classes and financial survival for those that weren’t. Good times. Love was accidental and a privilege of a few.  They write about rare historical romances a lot.

Then, and I didn’t do history at GCSE but, I think there came a point where it was decided that marriage should be for love. I blame Hollywood.  This coincided with women not letting men have sex unless they married them.

Then came the biggest betrayal ever. These women got married and soon after stopped having sex with their husbands. I mean she had bartered her body for security so why did she have to keep putting up with the sex now that she had the ring. This was clearly before the Joys of Sex VHS / Beta Max videos were made.

Porn helped to relieve the tensions of husbands everywhere but to be honest, if I was a man who had been duped into marriage then given less sex than I had been getting before I would be royally pissed too! Yes women started working and contributing to the household but seriously? No sex?

And so to modern times when anyone can get sex from anyone, anywhere with very little bartering involved. You’ve got to love the internet.  A few glasses of something half way decent and a meal that isn’t fast food and most guys are a shoe in. Of course they can’t say anything too stupid and they have to pretend that eventually they too will want to settle down and have sex.  I mean kids!

So here is my question. Why would any man want to get married? Why would he give up his freedom and financial earnings? I don’t get it. Sperm is the one thing that we need a man for as the sperm bank won’t give out photos in this country.

As I watched yet another painful episode of Don’t Tell the Bride I got it. I don’t actually want a marriage either. I just want a wedding and a father for the sprogs whose photo I’ve seen. Reality bites. Marriage in and of itself can be quite redundant if not for business.

So my view on marriage has really changed since my last marriage. It’s not a bitter response to a divorce. Instead an acknowledgement that marriage in and of itself isn’t the commitment we women think it is. The number of married men I’ve inadvertently slept with well, I know how many of them aren’t getting enough sex at home. I see that some women see it as the final tick box in their life journey but seriously, it’s the beginning of the end for most as many become a clone of the institution and lose their fabulosity.

So here’s to alternative lifestyles and looking at life as an individual journey. Let’s move beyond this era where women try to trick men into marriage and yet don’t have a real reason to get married. Marry for love, sure, marry for children if you feel that is the way but don’t marry because you think that you need to do so to be a complete woman.

I’m off to look at cats

© Chelsea Black


  1. There is a lot in marriage for men. The first is sex. A woman agreeing to marry you means she is willing to have sex with you on a long terms basis. So far as the marriage continues to be reasonably healthy you are guaranteed a regular access to sex. The second reason is a stable environment if you want to have children. Not getting married means you may have children with different women which is not ideal. The third reason is companionship. There is nothing boring like coming home to an empty house after work. The fourth reason is that women tend to make your house homely in a way that makes it pleasant to live in. And the reasons can go on and on. So men have a lot to gain by getting married.

  2. Marriage is redundant if not for business?? I think you’ve got a bit of a skewed and unfortunate view of marriage. I intend to marry for love and companionship, because being with that person makes me happy, not because I’m incomplete otherwise. I won’t marry someone who doesn’t turn me on enough to want to have sex with them and I’ll have their children because I love them and want to make tiny versions of them. Its entirely possible to marry for love and remain happy in your marriage for the rest of your life. You just have to choose well.

    Getting married doesn’t make you a boring sell-out and it certainly isn’t the beginning of the end. What a sad view to have of the world.

    • It’s interesting that if someone has a different view to others their view is labelled sad. I think sociological views on marriage change over time. I don’t see why men would want to get married in the digital age as love isn’t a good enough reason. 50% divorce rates tell their own tale.

      Marriage can be over romanticised. This was just another view and you were selective in your response. Thanks for the comment though.

  3. Never that! Marry for love and lots and lots and lots of sex (ohhh and respect, conversation and travel with food). Having been in a relationship which at times felt like a dull marriage, dowdy clothing included (not all his fault…he wss just boring)…I now know what I want out a marriage and I know it certainly won’t complete me.

    • We’re glad you escaped dear. And that’s it. I don’t have an issue with people marrying for any reason as long as they are aware of them and the potential pitfalls. I’m still unsure what’s in it for men though. Monogamy isn’t something that most crave.

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