The confused cop

As some of you know I’m on a tour of duty. Relatives must be seen from both sides of the extended family as well as muchos fun at goddaughter’s. That is always my highlight. No one can make me laugh like that child.

But then on my way to Durban we got stopped by the cops at the airport. We were taken into a room with very little light and our bags were searched. This wasn’t going to end well as, well as you know I hate packing so I just don’t do it anymore. I bung. This is the graceless art of bunging everything into the 3 available bags and just hoping I haven’t forgotten anything. Strangely enough the bunging technique has worked for many years and I’ve never ever had to reveal it to a stranger before. Until now.

There were 4 cops in the room and it’s safe to say that they looked bored. Why did we get stopped? I think we just looked too casual and had too much luggage for an internal flight. I don’t buy that they are looking for drugs as there were no sniffer dogs there. Besides, who would take an internal fight when you could just drive your drugs?

And so we proceed with bag one. He makes me take out my laptop and switch it on. Up pops my Chelsea black logo and he looks confused. So much pink in a dark room was a tad startling I guess. I take out the drawing from the goddaughter and resist bragging about how clever she is. Now is not the time I guess. But she really is gifted so I surreptitiously turn over the picture to show him the picture on the other side. I really can’t help it. I’m a bragger.

Then we get to my purse / bag for everyday. I’m bored by this stage so I just tip everything out and start putting stuff in as he looks at it. Then he comes to an item and his eyes light up. Could this be tightly packed cocaine or heroin? He turns the cylindrical plastic covered item between him thumb and his middle finger, mesmerised by the purple lil lets strip. Yes my precious, he was holding a super plus tampon. Then he shocked me by asking me what it was? I was like, “it’s a tampon?” He couldn’t put it down quickly enough. I wanted to tell him that he was safe, it wasn’t infected but I was holding back a laugh. He stuffed everything back into the bag and if the light had been on I’m sure I would have seen him blush.

Then the big bag. He went into my toiletry bag and there he found two more of these strange objects. I patiently explained that they too were tampons. Then he said “why are they different sizes” and I said ‘because women have different flows?”

The search was over. They didn’t even bother with the last bag as it became clear that criminals we were not. I don’t think he could bear the thought of finding any others and besides, by now he realised that the most criminal thing I possessed were g strings I thought I could still fit into.

Normally I would be outraged but his confusion over the tampons made it all worth while.

Toodles my precious! I’m off to buy a big box of them for my suitcase on the way home. Clearly they act as a deterrant.

© Chelsea Black

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