The Butt Effect

The problem with being blessed with curves my precious is that some men think its ok to make an unsolicited approach in public. I say this as my recent chocolate induced weight gain has all been suitably placed on my most African part. Not ideal admittedly but a curse that I have accepted as mine. That some men will beep their horns or approach me only from behind has become dull. Gone are the days when they even pretend to be interested in my personality.

So three recent incidents have highlighted the relationship between black men and the butt.

My work colleagues

Last week I was on the train on the way down to Brighton for a meeting when a guy stumbles into our carriage, cuts me off in mid flow when I was intricately explaining why I deserved a raise to my boss and his PA and told me that his friend wanted to talk to me. I said that I was busy whilst my white colleagues looked on baffled. But no, he had the persistence of a dog with a bone and insisted that I talk to them before they got off the train at East Croydon. Now I recall them walking behind us on the train. Coincidence? I think not!! The PA gently asked me later if this was a cultural thing. I told her that it was a black man and butt thing and that they really didn’t discriminate.

The grabber

Saturday on Oxford street is an assault course at best but this time I felt a definite grab of the butt. Turning around a black guy smiled at me and acknowledged that yes that had been him. I was annoyed but resigned to such behaviour but my friend Linda was not impressed and started having a go at him. His retort delivered with a smile “I saw something I liked” Apparently there is no shame or grabbers remorse in this world.

Shhhh…Im praying

Some people have church, the bath or bookshops as their special place. I have HMV. A place I go to worship the musicians and directors who will give me hours of joy. So needless to say I wasn’t too impressed when a young man saw me walk past and started making woop woop noises at his friend. His approach was immature at best and I knew he was completely inappropriate when he bragged that he was 28. Purely out of pity my precious and a keen understanding that you never know when there will be a man recession I took his number. But these are the times when we need to put aside our prejudices and be appreciative that young men exist. Just not in HMV!

The strange thing is that I think I will miss this behaviour when I am so old that my butt has gone south and no one takes a glance at the continent. ..Nah I won’t. It’s actually not flattering as men think. Oh well my precious, back to those glut building leg lifts for me!

© Chelsea Black


  1. It is a blessing! And never forget that! There are curves and curves, and then there is a black woman’s bottom! For my money, a bona fide Wonder Of The World!

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