The 5Cs

The 5 Cs

Ok so one of my friends kindly pointed out that I never did get around to expanding on the 5 Cs at the end of ‘Just say no’ ( I therefore have addressed them and that there is no error for misinterpretation. There are 5 Cs to which if they are all there my precious you need to keep that man and not share him with anyone.

(BIG) Cock

I know it’s relative and we all have different levels of comfort with girth and length and that some of the things a man can do with his mind, hands and tongue can make sex amazing. But, it’s not difficult to reason that no matter how bad he is in bed and how much he irritates you if he has the sizeage then, you can’t be too far away from reconciliation. Bad sex can be corrected with patience and some instruction. Appendage will mean that you will get away with a lot more than you should. Lack of it the opposite. I remember meeting one guy who claimed to be 5’8, 38 and well-built with an 8 inch cock . He was 48, cuddly and 5’4. Why I thought this meant he would be honest about the cock is something I will blame on it being younger than I am now but needless to say when he pulled out a 4 incher I was out of there and for once….I told him about himself. Lying about your height Is on thing but lying about cock size should be made illegal.


So a recession truly hits us all. I can sympathise with the guy who has been out of work for a few months and is looking for work or whose business has hit a debt ridden slump. But what I don’t get are those that own nothing! Not a car, a flat, a contract phone, a loyalty card?!? My reasons being if he is in his 30s what has he been doing for over 10 years? One guy I saw told me that he had moved in with his parents temporarily whilst saving for a place. Reasonable enough until I asked him how long he had been back at home. 6 YEARS!! Then it emerged that he had a very dodgy credit history and …..there really is only space for one credit card fiend in this relationship and I bagsie that position.


Tricky one as some guys are insecurely arrogant. Fake it til you make it only works if one day you actually make it. I notice that they all start off well enough but then somewhere along the way it turns into a competition.  One guy cancelled a date because I suggested Asia de cuba. Another kept going on about how much money he thought I had even though I told him I hadn’t worked in months. Another said he didn’t think he would be able to please me in bed as he suspected I had had more partners than him. Quality not quantity?

So clearly these things reflect their level of comfort and confidence in money, sex etc. The most confident guy to ask me out was a builder from Brighton who had a motorbike, a kid and a cheeky 46 year old smile. I almost broke my 45 minute travel dating rule for him because his confidence was sooooo appealing. But, rules are rules and I do not wear clothes that are motorbike friendly.

Cute -(ish)

I’m not one to judge purely on the visual my precious but consider me this: Sometimes, just sometimes you are going to have to fuck him with the lights on. And no amount of closing your eyes and thinking of your celebrity crush is going to change your Facebook or wedding day photos.  So, superficial as it sounds you’ve got to find them cute. Sometimes it’s as little as a smile or a glint in their eye but, that’s enough.


To the men this seems to be a confusing word. So I don’t need the Tiffany pink bauble straight away. You can put it on lay away my dear but please, whatever you want from me then commit to it properly. If it’s just sex then that’s an option but do it properly. Be sure in your course and learn to express it. Don’t blur the lines and collect female friends who you treat like pseudo girlfriends. It’s boring to be included in this band of secretly miserable women, draining for all concerned and a commitment phobe cop out. There is a terrible T word for these types. Timewasters.

So there you go my precious the 5Cs ;). Compromise at your peril


  1. Compromise on things like ………………..hmmmmm…….

    ok on things like where you go for dinner or seeing your family when really you want to spend the day being a slob in bed or where you go on holiday or which DVD to watch next or ………yeah there really isn’t much

    And yeah I knew I was sneaking in a 6th but I’m a woman. It’s my prerogative. SING WITH ME!!

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