Textual dating

So there is a new phenomenon sweeping the globe which I find alarming. This my precious is the art of textual dating. I say art because communication is an art that so many have yet to master .

I’m alright with the concept of texting within dating as a necessary means of flirtation, date setting and making sure he knows that a chocolate stop is necessary but that’s it. There is no other time when BBM or text or whatsapp is appropriate. Save it for your friends.

My golden rule is text when you are happy. Text because you miss them and you want to say something to express that. Text because you’re horny and chances are a text will be the flirtatious banter that will lead to you getting some later (please note that this texting should start earlier in the day and not after the 10pm bootycall watershed.)

But alas some of us text and pretend to be saying one thing when really it’s saying “think of me because I’m thinking of you”. I won’t lie my precious I’m guilty of this and not just when drinking*

*Please note that Tipsy texting is allowed simply because it usually involves telling them what you want to do to them later. Again though start drinking early. Nothing says tears like a late tipsy text that isn’t returned because he’s fast asleep or playing COD. You assume he hates you and before you know it a black cabby is playing relationship counsellor.

I had to examine my text issues. Apart from the fact that I take language and writing way too seriously there is clearly more to this textual aversion than first meets the eye.

I have a relationship with texting that spans over a decade

1)      12 years ago I dumped someone by text. To be fair he lived in another country so it was never going to work. But still I ended up feeling so guilty that I was forced to go there and do it all again in person.  This meant a coach to Rhyl. I ended up getting a cold flu from the air conditioning. The only good thing that came out of that trip was that I couldn’t smoke for 3 days and so gave up smoking permanently. But that Nokia one screen text haunts me

2)      The other day a guy I’m not even dating sent me a one word text. I was floored. There was my carefully worded text to give the impression that I’m easy going and not the over planning control freak those that know me pretend to love. It took me at least 3 minutes to design that text. Yes I said design. And then he wrote back with an OK! I realised that even those I’m not dating need to understand the textual protocol. Add a name or a smiley face!

3)      The ones who text after 3 weeks or 3 months looking to pop by for sex. Sadly this has happened more than once. WHY!! That door is firmly shut.

4)      The one who sent me a sad face when he failed to show up on my birthday. That was it. Nothing else. I take it back. Emoticons don’t make it ok.

My thing is a relationship should be about talking face to face and on the phone. The textualisation of a relationship is for long distance. Use it wisely, sparingly and with the proper consideration. OK will never ever do.  Unless the question is will you marry me and even then, you would want more than an OK. Right?

© Chelsea Black