Take it off the down low

A – Sexy:   D is for Down Low

Not to be confused with that mildly terrible movie Low Down Dirty Shame the Down Low is a phenomenon that came to public light in the 90s. Usually it describes the man who swings both ways but hides his homosexual activities from all especially his female partners.

It was highlighted in books by E. Lynn Harris and focused on sports starts that couldn’t come out for fear of sponsorship losses and the pressure from teammates and fans expecting them to conform to an outdated view on what being a man meant. Good books, lots of eating out so you will feel hungry.

Background sorted? Right let’s see how this impacts on the average relationship in London.

So I’m on a night out with the fellas and we hit one of the biggest black guy nights of the month Bootylicious. A great night out in Vauxhall if you ever fancy it and 3 rooms of music. I bumped into one of my favourite actors of all time there (don’t worry honey your secret is safe with me) so it will always have a special place in my heart.

So I’m wondering around whilst the fellas get their flirt on when I meet two guys. One was from university who had now come out fully but it did explain a lot of the dating issues he was having at university. I was glad he was out though.  The other I didn’t spot until later as he was in the middle of a circle being cheered on as he put Beyonce and Shakira to shame with some sick dance moves. He had his t shirt tied at the front (seriously? Are we still doing this? Just buy a small, well fitted t-shirt!) and his booty was doing the strangest hypnotic moves that I’ve yet to master.  Seriously I stood in front of the mirror at home and tried.

He was advertising himself as an obvious bottom and all the tops were crowding closer to get first dibs. Laughing along I looked at his face and realised that it was a guy I had been talking to some weeks earlier. Then he had been in a suit at a networking event and he had been trying to get into my knickers…..luckily I had been sober. Our eyes met later and he rushed over switching back from top to dominant predatory male. The knot in his t-shirt was enough for me. I made polite conversation and deleted his number.

Around the same time online I kept coming across guys that were really into Transsexuals. I don’t know if it’s my nosiness (ok it’s my nosiness) but with very little probing they all wanted to be done by TSs but would never ever share this with their partners. Fair enough I’m not sure everyone would understand but why bother to have a partner if you want to mess around? It’s not who you want to mess around with it’s the fact that no matter what that woman does she’s not going to scratch that itch.

But here is the etiquette part. For some reason a lot of them thought that this didn’t count as cheating because it was not with another woman. HUH! And some said that they didn’t lie to their women they just didn’t tell them.

Heavy sigh. Adds are you gay/ bi/ bi-curious? And do you have any plans on doing or being done by a Transsexual /Transgender? onto the ever growing list of first date question.

I do wish I hadn’t deleted the knot guys number though. I want him to teach him how to do that thing with my butt.

© Chelsea Black


  1. Oh yes Bootylicious was an eye-opener for me purely because I saw a few familiar faces …but its a great night out too.
    I think most women should take a trip down there to make sure any guy they are interested in isn’t a regular there!
    I think the rampant homophobia within the black community doesn’t “allow” men to come out and be comfortable in it. Its sad but its wrong imo that they live double lives and sleep with women…

    • Yes we don’t make it easy for them to come out and to be honest if I were a male and so inclined I’m not sure how I would handle it. But from the female perspective I really want to convey that the deceit is what is shit. Not the inclination.

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