Steak and BJ Day
I looked at the diary and 14th of March popped out….
14th of March, 14th of March…why did this day bring a sense of dread to my body?
And then I looked at my messages. A new friend had sent me a message asking if I was aware of the day. What ensued for the rest of the day can only be described as a sexually tense debate as to whether or not he was indeed going to get ‘his’ BJ.
First of all, he doesn’t eat Steak. He is one of those difficult people who feel that red meat isn’t necessary in their diet. I shouldn’t be talking to him for that there reason alone. What kind of man would my family think he was if he left the meat on the plate. Eh eh!
So when he asked if I was going to deliver said BJ I told him that as he didn’t eat steak he didn’t get the BJ. This was met with a barrage of reasons as to why he felt BJ worthy but there are some key considerations to this tradition that must be considered before you men start arguing with us about what we are going to do with OUR mouths tonight:
1) Steak and BJ day cannot be moved. It is on this day and plans need to be made at least 3 days in advance as you would with any other date. None of this last minute “I just saw it on FB” nonsense. It is the male equivalent of Valentine’s day and is a month afterward purposefully.
2) It worries me that so many men don’t seem to be getting BJs regularly. Like Valentine’s day has Steak and BJ day become some over commercialised day for oral sex? I don’t want to get taken out once a year. Create your own Steak and BJ date night once a month.
3) The female equivalent to steak and BJ day is chocolate and licks year. It’s going to take most of you a whole year to figure out what you’re doing so don’t see this as punitive. It’s for both people’s good.
4) Don’t demand steak and BJ day to be adhered to. A resentful BJ is not what you want. Especially if it’s a rare treat and they’re out of practise. I don’t know if I would take the risk my dears.
5) This is not an opportunity to ask someone you have just started talking to for a BJ. It’s just not going to work.
6) Steak is a double entendre for muffing. Brown on the outside pink on the inside is the perfect steak. Maybe the best way of getting a BJ is to EAT YOUR STEAK first. Just a tip.
Alas I know that I won’t get away without observing the importance of the day. So in the spirit of being giving I have made him 4 Steak and BJ vouchers for his future use. He will however have to get over his issues with red meat and get stuck in to steak…of both kinds. Fair is fair!
Smooches and happy Steak and BJ day!
© Chelsea Black
Anything where the woman has to do the majority of the work is overrated. We weren’t raised to care enough. 😉
BJs are extremely overrated, if you ask me. A hype blown up by porn industry. Like reverse cowboy.