Single Girls Survival Kit
by Chelsea Black
So. WW3 may be looming. Or maybe it’s already here — who knows anymore? Between the global chaos, the government’s latest “Oops, we did it again,” and your favourite dating app trying to match you with a man called AlphaBro47, it’s giving apocalypse with a side of ‘nah, I’m good’. I’m not out here fighting wars started by White men. It’s too exhausting just surviving dating Black in London. So All I need is a single girls survival kit to get me through this WW3
But just because the world is ending doesn’t mean your standards should. A queen is a queen, even in camouflage. So here’s your Single Girl’s Survival Dating Kit: the essentials every discerning Black woman should have when the world’s on fire and the men are… well, still trash but now with ration cards.
1. Shea Butter (Raw. Unrefined. Ghanaian.)
Moisturised skin is a human right. No matter what the UN says. Ashiness is a weapon of mass destruction and we do not negotiate with terrorists. Bonus: it doubles as lip balm, hair oil and highlighter, so you’re still giving “glow goddess” even in a Zone 7 bunker.
2. Cash (Pounds, Dollars, and a Few Krugerrands)
Card machines down? No problem. Always keep emergency cash on hand. And by cash, I don’t mean crypto — I mean notes you can slap on a counter or slip to someone shady for clean water or the last bottle of prosecco. Priorities.
3. Portable Charger (aka the Power Pack of Hope)
Because if you can’t charge your phone, how will you track your period, order overpriced oat milk, or block men who still say “U up?” in a crisis? Buy 2. Trust nobody.
4. All Purpose Seasoning
It goes without saying that you’re gonna have to become the rice three ways or maize meal Queen of the North. You’re going to work those cans good and your body will love you for it. But let’s be honest: you can survive on canned beans and tinned tuna, but why should you suffer? All Purpose Seasoning is the Beyoncé of cupboard staples. Elevates everything. And in a pinch? Makes a great bartering tool with spice-deprived civilians.
5. Condoms (Because WW3 Babies? No, Thanks.)
Yes, he helped you escape that drone. Yes, he’s got arms like Adonis and a voice like brown sugar. Still no glove, no love. We’re trying to rebuild civilisation, not reboot Teen Mom: Bunker Edition.
6. Mini Flask (Filled with Something Brown and Healing)
For those moments when reality gets too real. Also great for warming your insides or bribing moody guards at checkpoints. Just don’t let it become your dinner — we’re not there yet.
7. Decent Pair of Trainers
Cute shoes died with the first siren. You’ll be walking, running, maybe even sprinting away from bad vibes and worse decisions. Leave the heels for nostalgia and drag queens.
8. Tangle-Free Headscarf / Bonnet
Protect the crown at all costs. Silk or satin. Stylish if possible. Just because society collapsed doesn’t mean your edges have to.
9. Notebook & Pen (Because Journals Survive When iPhones Don’t)
Record your feelings, sketch the cute medic you saw at the relief station, or start that post-apocalyptic romcom you’ve been thinking about. Creativity is resistance, babes.
10. One Reliable Friend with a Car and Common Sense
Preferably someone who doesn’t believe WhatsApp conspiracy theories and actually filled up their tank last week. They’re your emergency ride-or-die. Also acceptable: a sensible ex with a 4×4 and mild feelings.
Single Girl Survival Kit: WW3 edition
Being single in a war zone is no joke. But neither is being cuffed to someone useless when the missiles drop. Say no to hobsexuals. So stay moisturised, seasoned, and slightly suspicious — the holy trinity of survival. And remember: even in the end times, Black girls still deserve joy, safety, and good vibes.
If all else fails? Find a safe house, a working kettle, and a solar panel. Love might be on pause, but your glow never is.
© Chelsea Black ® 2025
P.S. Apologies for the post yesterday. Site was down so many didn’t get to see How to date during WW3
