She’s got a ticket

So remember the guy I went out with a couple of weeks ago? 3 kids, a taste for porsches, gold teeth and a chip the size of a diamond mine? He’s got a fast car? He’s back

After not hearing from him I figured that the feeling was mutual and that we weren’t a match. I don’t know why but a date where the person is trying to put you down for things you can’t change about yourself like university and where you live isn’t really winning. I’ve never understood why I should rewrite my backstory to make men feel better although….I have started lying and telling people I live in Shepherds Bush. What they don’t know is that it means I live there when it’s open as I shop a lot but, it’s a great place for them to drop me off and me to take the tube back to the river. Good times but I digress

So 10 days later I had given up. I mean everyone knows that no contact 3 days after a date is indicative of a blatant lack of time or interest. I don’t see why either is acceptable.

Then we have this text exchange.

Day 1

Goldie: Fronting like a nigga aint on ur mind loooool

Goldie:  Hope ur well Miss Thaaaang

Now as you know my precious I was suffering man flu so wasn’t about to reply until the next day

Day 2

Me: Sorry who is this? Being the delicate flower that I am I was sick with man flu for 2 days. I’m dramatic like that. Just left the house XXXX

The XXXX indicate that clearly I know who this is but that 10 days of silence will not go without some comment

20 minutes later

Goldie:  Sorry who are you?

Me: Get your own jokes luv.

Goldie: Clearly a woman. A name would be nice

Me: Clearly. I guess I will just remain the text you never quite figured out. Never mind. (I wanted to add you dumb fuck but I think we’ve established that he’s not the brightest.)

Day 3

Goldie: Over stush luv.

THE END

I had to stop myself because it was starting to turn into more than it was. I wanted to say you can’t be over stoosh. But why was I wasting my time engaging with someone who could never be more than a one-time shag. I mean there is no way in hell I would breed with this man. And he has so many issues with class and culture and not knowing who Tracy Chapman is that I don’t even know if I could endure the pillow talk between rounds.  I think a few years ago I would have wanted to ensure that we didn’t end things on a sour note. Black London is so small after all but then I thought, hold on, he’s the idiot, why bother?

So in the words of Tracy Chapman She’s got her ticket and yes I’m riding out of here. Have a great weekend my precious

© Chelsea Black