It was one of those work dinners I hate. Dry food punctuated by the free glass of flat and warm fizzy wine. And, all with the joyous company of workmates you avoid for most of the year.
After dinner they look to yours truly to suggest a place for more drinks. Clearly some of them had imbibed more of the flat wine than I had. So where to take a bunch of out of towners with no dress sense and where I was unlikely to bump into anyone I respected? SWAY in Holborn.
We made the trek and I was dreading a night of bad dance moves, the odd cheeky butt grab from Gary in sales and more cheap wine. I was expecting a long night but by 10 we were already hoisting the drunken temp Declan to a cab.
On the way out I got stopped by what I can only describe as a fitness god! He was ripped and smiling and wondering if I was leaving so soon? Be still my heart. My work colleagues looked on confused as within seconds I had given him my number whilst holding up an increasingly belligerent Declan who wanted one more dance. Declan couldn’t dance sober so drunk was a public liability.
Sway as he became known at the office knew he was fit and I liked that he knew. I discovered that hotness aside he was an accountant from Kent. I ignored my reservations because a hot body and a beautiful smile can break rules. Even 45 minute dating zone rules.
Sexually I can’t really say that he lived up to his billing. I was expecting an action packed Vin Diesel thriller and instead got a slow world cinema short film with a few twists but no real climatic end. At least, not for me.
But it had been a while and me being a lover of sequels we agreed to meet again. I was rather surprised when I opened my front door and saw him standing there with…an overnight bag? How long did dude think he was staying?
Turns out that he hadn’t just been to the gym and that he was planning an overnight but hadn’t bothered to tell me. Hmmm, what to do? I didn’t have any breakfast food in and this would mean me getting up early. There are limits to what a woman will do for mediocre sex.
So I did what any self-respecting woman would do. I reached for my phone and checked the train time table for trains back to Bromley. We lay in bed after a couple of world cinema trailers and he made noises about going to sleep. 40 minutes before the last train I woke him and told him that he had better get a move on if he was going to make the train.
The look on his face was the thriller moment. He almost swayed me to let him stay but there is only so much world cinema this chick can take.
slow was his only pace and the story didn’t really go anywhere but once in a while he would do something that made me think that something was about to happen but alas it was over too soon for that to be more than just the odd tease. I like a man with a plan and a narrative not just cinematography
What the hell is “a slow world cinema short film with a few twists”? I need graphic details. I’m thinking hard and I still can imagine what this sex technique is like?