Married at First Sight UK s7 ep1 – Review

Married at First Sight UK s7 ep1 – Review

These are the rambling thoughts as I caught up on Married at First Sight UK s7 ep 1

Product Placement?

Ah, a nice sign telling us that the show contains product placement. Now I’m going to look for the product placement everywhere. Paul the coach has his voiceover used for Colgate. So, already we know that this show is all about ratings and bringing in the moola not really matching people.


This is literally the first impressions from the show. I called it on the LGBTQ in a preview of MAFSUK

The brides

Wait, why is there a non botoxed north American woman in the UK one? I already find her too much. She reminds me of that older south African white woman on an earlier season before they supersized it. Age undetermined but I’m getting she’s for the Manchester 90s looking dude.  

Whitney 31– yeah she’s going to be a bigger diva than her namesake and, what’s with the affected accent? Looking for sex on a stick with thick thighs. That boob job didn’t work well. She looks like she’s about to Grace Jones in Boomerang us at any minute.

April 32 – As soon as I saw her dress I was suspicious and rightly so. April is literally just here to market her dress designs. Way to go national Dear!

Jess, 30 – Didn’t see much of her but she’s up for some rumpy pumpy on the first night so hey !!! I’m seeing that she’s going to get into the boxing ring with Whitney at some point. I hope it’s not over dick though as that’s so Married at First Sight Australia.

Thomas, 31 – he’s a ‘ball of energy’ which I think is straight white womanese for gay and camp? Tensions with Jenna but I would too to be honest as she’s low key annoying

Jenna 32 – feels like a newly woke feminist and only came out-ish in her late 20s so she may be annoying. I knew there was going to be a lesbian couple. Yay?

Chanita 30 – dog and cat, single parent household. Seems like her background is quite sad but she’s smiling. I like her so far.

Kasia 36 – not said much but likes to ask questions.  A business woman. I think she’s the single mum from memory though?

The grooms

Duka, 31 – that urban immigrant accent is either going to be endearing or annoying as fuck. I’m praying for you Duka! You remind me of Tottenham in the early noughties

George, 40 with the 4 kids – 10,11, 15 and 20. My my someone HAS been busy! I think he’s the Jude Law / Nick Cannon of the group. Here’s betting he has a baby first!

PJ walks in and you know he’s a stripper. Oh a shot of PJ dancing without his top. What a shocker.

Richie 51 – 1990s Manchester scene. Fan of the Gallagher brothers. Holding onto that last century hairstyle

Jordan 29 – mum’s boy who we don’t really see until he’s coupled up with Chanita. Seems like an alright type.

Kwame – didn’t say much but I caught his name. More to come!

Zoe, 30 – lesbian – last to go in but my fave so far. May overuse humour but I can see that she’s got a head on her shoulders. Likes a feminine girl as opposed to stud so, let’s see what they give her.  Oh it’s Jenna. Hey hum.

Tom’s hubby to be – didn’t turn up so we don’t know who he is until the preview for tomorrow but he’s blonde and has a nosey friend. That’s all I’ve got


Whitney and Duka

As soon as the coaches were talking about them I was thinking, yeah that’s not going to work Fam. Stop wasting Duka’s time!

The white women doing Whitney and her aunt’s hair were worrying me. I know it’s a weave and relaxed hair but that’s a lot of heat you’re using Beckys!

I love Whitney’s aunt. She’s every auntie I know. Practical to the core she’s like, let’s turn around.

Whitney is going to want one of the Black guys. Someone she wasn’t set up with. I think she’s going to aggressively hunt for someone else. Sigh. wondering if they hook nemesis Jess with one of them and they fight over dick? Poor Duka

#TeamDuka. Remaining positive despite Whitney’s nerve laden diva antics. But the dad was right. Whitney was doing the least and Duka deserves better.  

The whole getting Duka’s name wrong thing wasn’t even cute. She’s clearly on here to become reality TV family. I’m getting vibes of Omarosa from US Apprentice

Chanita and Jordan

I can see the pairing as they’re both from single parent households and are caring. They’re both up for a laugh. I hope he likes animals though and I hope the mums on both sides don’t become a problem. Lots of tears and sentiments so I think the match makes sense.

Wait, I totally missed the product placement. Was it that all the contestants were forced to use Colgate Max Strength? Now I’ll never know!  

Happy MAFSing!

© Chelsea Black® 2022

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