Back to the apps

As you know I recently went back to apps after a 5 year hiatus. I don’t like dating apps for a number of reasons but mainly because we all know that nearly everyone on there is lying. Everyone else seems to have amazing success on them though. I say this; its always a friend of a friend’s cousin who found the love of their life on unhinged. Never me. Anyway I digress.  

Is it me?

I started to think, is it me? Am I just not suited to the fast paced app world? But then I remembered that I was an early adopter of hook up sites etc so that’s not really the issue. I’d be happily speaking to 12-15 guys at once with aplomb, wondering which lucky fella would ‘win’. The volume of men isn’t the issue. I guess some would argue that it’s nice to have such an array to swipe through.

And then, after a particular painful conversation I realised that, yes, it really was them and not me. Men on apps are the kings of the mansplain and I’m not here for it. AT ALL

The croissant croque

So I’m speaking to this guy and he tells me that he’s REALLY into cooking. I’m thinking, good. I’m not a massive fan of cooking everyday and despite the odd baking weekend I’m pretty light touch in the kitchen.

This dude says to me that he’s cooking as we speak. Sometimes his friends come over and he cooks up a feast I immediately declare my food intolerances so that he can start menu planning. I don’t want him to throw in gluten or some shit. Yes, his menu has become all about me

I ask what he’s making and he says his specialty. He says, normally he makes it with croissant but today he’s making it with a baguette? I’m intrigued. A dish made from bread? He asks me if I know what a baguette is. I sarcastically tell him that I’ve heard of it and he starts to explain that it’s French. Like the missing croissants. Sarcasm didn’t compute then.

He then describes adding ham and cheese to said baguette. I politely ask if these are special hams or cheeses and am told no. I ask if he adds anything else to the dish. Some herbs, veg, seasoning. Again I’m told no. I whispered if he toasted it and he said sometimes. So now I’m flummoxed. Is this duck seriously mansplaining how to make a sometimes grilled ham and cheese sandwich?

Mansplaining makes me mad

Others have tried to mansplain football to me. Then those who have waxed lyrical on the historical, political situation in Africa. Others tell me about my job, my body, my dating with an insensitivity that astounds. There is no sense that 1) I may already know these things 2) don’t care what their thoughts are on things that affect me and not them and 3) find their patronising mansplain maddening. Like, how DARE you?

So the issue really isn’t that you are mansplaining. It’s that you are assuming I don’t know anything and, like an unsolicited dick pic, you feel the need to share your mediocre knowledge. This mansplaining needs to end on dating apps if they are ever to get the kind of woman they say they want. They won’t mind you because, any woman with any semblance of self respect and confidence will be worn down by this nonsense. Whilst we may be forced to put up with it in the workplace dating shouldn’t be this annoying.

Happy Dating All. Fingers crossed those of you who are still hopeful for V day meet someone soon. Only 30 days and counting now.  

© Chelsea Black® 2022