Black Fatigue and Dating
I’m going to try to keep this relatively short as I could rant about race for hours and nobody, apparently, has time for that. It’s a burden that others find uncomfortable or something that we should just get over. Well, not today!
I woke up this morning from a gorgeous dream (must call my Uncle) and made the mistake of going onto Facebook first thing. I hadn’t even had my first cup of rooibos tea. Needless to say within minutes I was feeling the depressive cloud of being a black woman. That’s right folks. I, Chelsea Black suffer from black fatigue and inevitably, it’s affecting my dating.
Why? Because today is heritage day in South Africa which is always a lovely day with all the dress up. You know I loves me some fancy dress. We ignore issues such as gender-based violence, poverty, historical lack of generational wealth and instead focus on the rich cultural history we share. Tomorrow it’s back to the every day racial struggle since Apartheid ‘officially’ ended. Happy times indeed.
Also, racism in America still looms over the world. Police murders and shooting persist. Celebrities highlighting issues on sets and in contracts (not you Kanye. You can take a few seats on this one with your ‘slavery is a choice/ MAGA’ self). And we’ve only just learned that 3 white police officers have gotten away with the murder of Breonna Taylor. How the fuck is that the reality?
Then we’ve got the work woes. Comments from the Wells Fargo dude on not being able to find black talent didn’t help this week. All of these companies trying to grab some of the momentum from Black Lives Matters and position themselves as pro-black but without budgets or any real desire to change their organisations or profit margin. It’s a cycle of abuse that continues.
What we post
A friend of mine ‘kindly’ told me a few years ago that I had a chip on my shoulder about white people. It’s stuck with me as, he’s a black man and, he based all of this on social media.
Since then I’ve been more aware of what others post. A lot of black women don’t feel comfortable posting about the issues they face in work or in the social space or dating. Because they’re quickly censured by well meaning brothers and Beckies. Or they get trolled by white men. That tells you that the problem is deeper than you probably imagined and unless it’s addressed will continue. Our voices are only meant to be heard when we are supporting the system that oppresses us. That can’t be right? And yet this is what people want. They want the funny and the snarky but never the real. Fuck all that, we aren’t hear to pander to your sensibilities.
No time wasters allowed
So what does this have to do with being a black single woman you ask? It just means that we go into dating already more cautious and fatigued. We don’t have the capacity for the bullshit and that in turn means we aren’t here for the nonsense games of men who have already decided that they want something else. I’m not here to convince me to pick me from a pool of women. I know my worth. I’ve also semi-retired from dating because I was rolling my eyes more and more at the opportunistic dudes who wanted to get a leg over but didn’t want a relationship. Pay for sex if that’s what you want. (not me, I’m not for sale.) But no, even that feels like too much for them.
It’s this perception of the angry black woman or the strong black woman, perpetuated by the media, that we need to erase as negatives. Yes we may be over the same old conversations and situations and that makes us both tired of the Bullshit and angry. So? Anger is not a negative emotion when expressed. Better than internalising it. And we aren’t angry at you. We’re angry at your fuckboi behaviours and views. Let it go Wasteman. Do better.