There are a number of my friends whom I love dearly but they drive me mad with their complaints about their men. Let’s face it none of us are perfect and men particularly so but….neither are we ladies. Yes I said it. So here are your 14 valentine’s tips for longer lasting relationships. And yes, I used to have them!!
1. Knowing he’s not your girlfriend. You don’t need to tell him every insecurity, issue you have. That’s what your friends are for. I know we love to perpetuate this “he’s my best friend” fallacy but to be honest you need the balance of a man and your equally as neurotic friends to make the world go round.
2. Accepting that he might not want you there asking stupid questions during the match. Does he talk through SATC or True Blood? He better not. Pre match commentary, Half time and the stupid commentary at the end included sweetie.
3. Knowing not to ask the question “so where is this all going”. What is he a fortune teller? A bus driver? No dear he is just a man. If he has a plan he will let you know. Get your own plan either way.
4. Not going to bed looking like a granny with a scarf and face cream on. Save it for your alone days.
5. Not saving blow jobs for special occasions. It’s really not a treat. It’s foreplay, mid play, post play but it’s not Christmas day, birthday and payday only.
6. Getting over the fact that he had a life before you. You may think he is a god send but chances are he didn’t fall out of the sky. There is a past that will leak into your present. Grow up, deal with it, move on
7. Accepting some of the blame. So you know the underwear he bought you that is 2 sizes too small? That’s what happens when you lie about being a size 10 for months when you’re a fighting fit size 14.
8. Holding off on the crazy. You know you can do it. You do it all the time at work, in supermarkets, on the tube etc. Bring that self-control home with you.
9. Seriously the toothpaste, toilet seat argument is still going on? I’d be more worried as to who else he is shagging. If he’s annoying you with his bathroom antics then he’s home too much!
10. Learn to swallow. It’s really not that hard. If it tastes rank then change his diet 😉
11. Give him a 50 second window in which he is allowed to call you dirty names. Make sure he knows when this window is open……and then closed again.
12. Don’t pretend to be a domestic goddess if you really aren’t. Rushing and hiding dishes in your office or laundry under the couch will inevitably get you caught out. Trust me, it looks worse.
13. OMG get some frigging hobbies of your own. He is not a hobby and he will have his own. If you don’t have any lie til you get some decent ones that keep you busy.
14. If you don’t know what you want or how to please yourself then remember he is just a man and will never be able to figure it out. So get a clue. Then learn how to tell him about it.