Ladies and Gentlemen!

A-Sexy : A for Announcements

Anticipation is a wonderful thing. I was once out with my then boyfie and something must have got him in the mood because he suddenly said “I’m going to F*ck you so hard when we get home, you’ll have to take tomorrow off.” Suddenly he had my full attention. To be fair to him he did handle his business.  I just wish he’d told me about his fiancé .

So guys announcing your next move is a lovely thing to do when you are about to come and you want her to close her eyes or duck for those without aim. Announcements when they are not followed up with adequate performances however are not something that we the Sex Etiquette po po can approve. Delivery is everything.

E.G: ‘Yeah baby I’m going to make you come so hard that you forget your name! YEAH!’ followed by 3 or 4 minutes of frantic rabbit style pumping and a limp gasp at the end are not compatible.

Another one is “You like that huh? I can go all night girl! YEAH!” followed by what for the sake of his ego we’ll call a quickie and him passing out? Again not the one.

For women stating that you like big cocks and then complaining that it’s too big is a fail. Also those who tell everyone that they love giving blow jobs or being freaky and then just lie there or ration them out for special occasions? Yeah I’ve heard all about you girls with your big talk and no sucking action. FAIL!

So here’s how I see it. Mandatory immediate announcements like “I’m coming! Get on your knees!” are a win. I don’t need that stuff in my hair or on that hired role play costume. However aspirational announcements can just be whispered softly to yourself please. Some have a mantra like “eye of the tiger” to keep their focus. Do you pookie. Do you.

In (almost) the words of the Foundations “[Don’t] build me up buttercup just to let me down. And mess me around and then worst of all, you never come baby when you say you will!” It should have raised alarm bells when an ex said this was his favourite song. Premature Ejaculation is a terrible terrible affliction (takes a moment to say a prayer for his current partner.)

© Chelsea Black A-Sexy


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