So I’ve been watching a lot of millionaire matchmaker recently and one thing that keeps coming up is the need for women to soften and not act so male. Keep your penis in your purse.
A chance conversation with a friend last night brought it home. Have we as women lost the art of acting feminine in our search for equality? Can men no longer court us as we all too often take the lead? I wasn’t sure.
I have to start by saying I don’t really believe in equality. I’m happy for a man to do ALL the heavy lifting and for me to be treated like a princess. These things don’t bother me in the least. I don’t have to prove I’m the same as any man. I actually believe women to be emotionally stronger and superior to men. But, I believe in choice. I want the right to choose the life I lead. So if I’m an at home mum with no desire to wear suits and commute to Canary Wharf then that should be as worthy a dream.
But back to the question at hand. Are we too ‘masculine’ in dating?
I remember one guy who conveniently forgot his wallet. He wasn’t shy to order when we got there either. He didn’t suggest that we go to Nandos instead or even offer to pay me back for his share. He was waaaay too comfortable being taken out. I on the other hand was seething at having to watch dude order more than one course AND still put his fork in my plate of pasta. But I said nothing as I didn’t want to fight about money. It’s so unBritish. But should I have just given him a kiss on the cheek and gone home despite my rumbling Maxine? (my budda belly). Perhaps I should have done.
Then there was another who couldn’t seem to get it together to organise the date. To be fair he didn’t live in London so I suggested Asia de Cuba for lunch. There are always deals and I love the cocktails. He chose to go online and then he freaked out. He didn’t have that kind of money he confessed and I never heard from him again. Even suggestions can get you into trouble.
Then there was the one who was living at home. I arranged a romantic night in as I knew money was tight but later he complained that I wanted too much from the relationship and had put in too much effort. I did? I showered, wore a dress and bought in a bottle of booze. Is that too much? But even that seemed to set him off.
As time has moved on I find that we as women often choose the venue, we offer to pay half, some women even treat him. It’s a mess. We are dating ourselves and being the romantic ones. Maybe we are taking over and men no longer know what to do. The dating rules aren’t clear and nobody really knows what their roles are anymore. No wonder so many of us are struggling with dating.
So the next time I actually score a date I’m going to keep quiet and let him do EVERYTHING. Of course I will do the obligatory purse reach as is customery but that’s about it. I will not tell him why Nandos isn’t the best choice for a first date. Or why he can’t just leave me at the restaurant without making sure I get a taxi whilst he dashes for the night bus.
© Chelsea Black