Facebook groups. Gone are the days when we used to have to find dodgy chat rooms commandeered by some unemployed nutter. No, now we have legitimised chatrooms with groups that appear to be there to talk about socio-political issues.  Don’t get me wrong. I have spent hours on these groups and have enjoyed meeting some new friends, discussing issues from  world economics and the black community to squirting, donkey punching and the number of sexual partners you need to have had to be considered a slut. Apparently any more than 6 and you qualify. I didn’t bother asking what counted as a platinum member.

But below the surface and there is a sexually laced undercurrent in some of these groups as many scope potential hook-ups.  You can quickly spot the wife wannabes who drop in how well they cook but are careful not to sound too broody and they never speak about sexual experiences in the first person. You can also spot the men to avoid. They post pictures of themselves flexing their gym grown muscles and use phrases like “no homo” more than is necessary.

I couldn’t choose as to who was my favourite of my encounters so have chosen my top 3 so far.

Mr Big who seemed really keen and even cooked for me. We arranged to meet and as he waddled over I decided there and then that I would be asking for a full body picture in future. In the minutes it took him to walk 100 metres I had time to consider escaping but sadly I spotted the food bouncing on the side of his belly and…..my hunger won.

Mr Chaos and I bonded over the madness of some of the more militant members of a group. I was accused of being indecent for having a tattoo and told that no man would marry me. It turns out that his own issues drew him to the group and I was dating the lesser of the mad folk. Any man that thinks Asia de Cuba is too pricey, still has roommates at 40 and came off the drugs but replaced it with booze 3 months ago is not date ready.

Mr Gym and I never dated. I can’t date men who think of gym as a place of worship. It’s against my religion.  It turns out that not only was he trying to chat to me but half the women in the group. Did Fitness First not send out the memo with his protein powder? Women talk to each other.

So my precious if you are single and have the inclination I suggest you explore the group phenomenon and get to scoping the talent. Avoid the angry ones who seem to bring up the same ole “women are….” arguments.  And be careful what you say for fear of being labelled. According to one such discerning group I am a man hating, homo loving, feminist slut. I took this as a compliment.