A -Sexy B is for Big Butts or The Butt Effect Updated

Read the original Butt Effect here

When I was in Miami my best friend bought me a Sir mix a lot T shirt. I still have it today. I like Big Butts it announced. 36-25-36. Er, what if yours is bigger? What if you don’t like big butts but you have to wear the T shirt and sing along to the song in clubs like you wrote it as your friend thinks it’s fun to fake spank it? There is another side to the butt glorification of recent years. Men have made it impossible for you to truly love your butt as it becomes the focal point of their attention. I’m sure if I discussed their cocks this much I’d be cited for causing undue stress and anxiety. Or maybe I should. “I love big cocks and I love then hard! Anything smaller will get you barred!”…maybe not.

J-Lo

When J-Lo come onto the scene and Hollywood decided that Butts were the new Boobs I thought I would never tire of the attention but …..I’m tired now. Not that I’m not grateful for all those that have shown a healthy appreciation for the Butt/ Bum/ Booty// Back off Arse/ Ass/ Bottom /Derriere/ Posterior. In fact here is a booty clap just for you guys. Oh wait, I never learned how to do that move. I’ll add it to the list of things I must learn like French and curry goat.

At the recent purple party we had a butt grabber. At first I thought it was just me that had the privilege but as the night’s tales unfolded it became clear that he was indiscriminate. And so I started thinking, what is it about the butt that has made it socially acceptable? I have never ever seen a man go for a booby grab. Probably because the last man that did didn’t live to tell the tale. So why the butt?

I ask men all the time what’s the obsession with the butt. I’ve heard, more cushion for the pushing. So does that mean skinny arsed women don’t have to endure so much doggy? Are they shoved away in disgust when he realises that her curves was courtesy of well-designed jeans? I doubt it

Too big?

Then again an ex said there is such a thing as too big. He said if you have to stretch first to get your legs on either side of it then you just shake your head sadly and pronounce it ‘Too big, too Big!’ I think my sticky outtie bum just about made the cut. Sadly he didn’t. His butt tales became an obsession. He would describe women by their shape not hair, colour, height or name. Besides, it would never have worked. I couldn’t hear a word he said when he stood behind me all the time.

I can’t figure it out. Something tells me they’re not seeing child bearing hips and thinking this is the future mother of my children. So without more to go on I will rush through the Big Butts sex etiquette rules. Ready? Click here