What are dating blocks?
Dating blocks, or more commonly known as love blocks, are sort of like dealbreakers but so unconscious that some don’t even know that they have them. Whilst cockblockers are actively blocking your dating blessings dating blocks is a form of self sabotage.
What many don’t grasp is that we have a foundation of dating principles we live by and spew to anyone who is willing to listen. Principles we hold onto that are baseless or flawed and yet we will fight anyone who dares to challenge them
A conversation with my mum earlier today on the positive influence of nonbinary inclusion got us thinking about what blocks us in dating. Some of it may be as obvious as gender but when we looked at it there are other factors which are much easier to unravel and stop the block
Let’s start with an easy one: EXES
Still talking about the exes
Talking about the exes is a no no on first dates. This is the law. I’d argue you shouldn’t even mention them until at least date 5 but I know we are living in a society which loves to overshare and over analyse. Thanks Auntie Oprah
Why are you out here telling newbie over drinks about why you have trust issues or hate controlling men like you are still reeling and shook by things that happened 10 years ago?
Dating isn’t free therapy
Ok so some of you haven’t done the work and are still judging potential partners on the behaviours of your exes. I’m all for learning from past mistakes but, is this dude really a narcissist or is he genuinely confused by the narrative you have devised for the reason he didn’t call you back in 20 minutes and now you think he’s gaslighting you?
Go to therapy, unpack what hang ups / baggage you are bringing to the date and projecting onto someone who is oblivious. My helpful therapist made me really that I hated men who criticised my looks / weight / colour. All things I have no interest in changing. So any guy who was critical (sorry Virgos and Aquarians) weren’t for me immediately. I didn’t realise how deep this went until a guy said something about my shoes one day and I took it as a personal affront.
I also went on a date with a guy whose ex had abandoned him and he was now depressed. Another who was so angry at the divorce that all women had become public enemy #1. When I suggested to both of them that dating wasn’t the appropriate time to unpack all of that and that they may want to seek professional help they looked at me like I was the one with issues.
How to dodge the ex question
So if exes are off the conversation list you’re going to have to come up with something more creative when the, ‘why is a woman like you still single?’ question inevitably comes up. Don’t tell them the truth. Ever. Rather say you’re not ready to talk about it and will reveal all IF you get to date 5. The other good one is to say you realised you wanted different things and went your own way.
OR! You could be a superstar and do the work to actually move on? A unique notion, I know.
Maybe just check that you have let go of some of your ex’s as some dates feel like 3sums. Don’t be that person who brings a toxic ex to a new date, even if he’s a ghost that takes up more conversation than needed..
I wish you all of the best dates the week before Valentine’s. Here’s hoping you meet someone who will at least let you forget about your ex. Happy Dating
© Chelsea Black® 2022