Stop asking exes to be your friend
Yesterday an ex lover got in touch. It was memorable for all the wrong reasons. Quick, hair line trigger of a penis, selfish, fell asleep straight away, brought me whack snacks. Be warned, snacks are a running theme in my relationships. Every few years he reaches out and tries to touch me with his tears about how badly his most recent relationship is going. I want to be clear to all the exes out there: Women don’t give a fuck! So stop asking exes to be your friend.
The friendship lie
The only time I believe a friendship should be maintained with an ex is when there are finances or children involved. Or if you work together. But that friendship must be limited to acquaintance level. None of this calling with all your woes and worries. A break up is a resignation from having to emotionally care about you beyond asking how your weekend was. Even that is rather laborious to be fair. We have enough friends without needing to exchange lovers and boyfriends into friends. Fuck buddies, maybe but friends? Nah
It’s over Fam!
According to North American films women spend the majority of a break up wallowing in self pity, eating her body weight in snacks and listening to sad songs. Then there is the obligatory make over montage and she’s done. Without glasses on and a haircut she goes out there aiming to win him back and meets someone new. OK the eating part is correct for me but that happens during the relationship too so I don’t really count this as a break up related snackcident.
The minute the cycle of break up is over we are done. We don’t play sad songs or wallow in the what could have been. We are no longer together ergo we don’t have to pretend to care about your emotional wellbeing. I keeps the receipts of your deceit and I keeps it moving.
Men think we still care
But exes don’t understand this. Whilst they go out there dipping their John Wicks into someone new they conveniently think you will be there for them. You will listen as they pour out all of their frustrations about the new woman in their lives. Why do you think an ex will want to do the emotional labour of listening to your unevolved bullshit though? We are too busy stepping over toads and frogs in this godforsaken puddle we call a dating pool. We are busy!
Is it my fault?
I may be partially to blame as, when I’m bored I tend to go really quiet and they think this is their cue to bore me even more with tales of how evil their most recent ex is. I also have a terrible habit of forgetting to block people on all of the platforms and mobile numbers so they get through. Darn it.
I would be sympathetic but then I remember that they probably vomited this same lack of self awareness and self absorption on some other poor woman. So why should I feel bad?
Gents, just accept that you may need to seek alternative avenues to listen your dating woes and leave your exes alone. One, she isn’t really here to help you find love and two, she really don’t give a fuck. So stop asking women to be your friend and go get therapy!
Right, I’m off to block him before I forget!
© Chelsea Black® 2022