Just so you all know that I’m not making up my frivolous facebook chats. I realise that it highlights my anxieties as well as his inability to realise that he was winding me up. I almost didn’t post this but, hey ho….Enjoy!

A year ago

HIM: hi chelsea what do you look like?

ME: random question from someone who also doesn’t have photos up?

HIM: i know that!! but i would like see how look send me a photo of you?

ME: Ok I’m not being difficult but we have never spoken. Why would I send a photo of myself to a stranger? This is quite irregular.

 

A year later

 

HIM: is that pic you with your hand on your head

ME: No. No photos of me at all

 

2 Days later

 

HIM: (in response to a moany update about work from me) Ok I hope everything at work works out for you stay bless

HIM: What kind of work do you do?

ME: Projects mainly. No job as such

 

HIM: Ok! would it be ok if we can talk on the phone sometimes

ME: what for?

 

HIM: I like to get to no you if that ok

ME: know me? Thanks dear but I don’t really get to “know” people through social media

HIM: Why that?

ME: It’s just a policy I have. I’ve done it before to no avail. But like I say thanks for reaching out

HIM: Their alway a first time for something new

HIM: You coming like a nice woman

HIM: You never no we can become good friends

ME: I am nice but that doesn’t mean I want to get to know you better.

HIM: That true!

HIM: If I send my number would I here from you

HIM: You never no you might end up liking me lol

HIM: I hope I’m not been to forward

ME: No. I can’t. Your spelling is driving me crazy

Me: are you doing it on purpose?

 

After a silence

 

HIM: No

HIM: Your giving me joke

ME: OMG stop spelling everything incorrectly. It’s too much

HIM: Sirry

HIM: I mean to say sorry

ME: hmmmm am I being punked?

HIM: Lol

HIM: May be I should to talk you on the phone then

ME: No, I know enough dear.

HIM: Like what?

ME: Your spelling drives me crazy. And you’re persistent. I can’t. I’m neurotic about writing.

HIM: It’s this iPhone

ME: No these are grammatical errors. Their instead of there, Your instead of you’re etc. I can’t

HIM: What wrong in me being a bit persistent

ME: Just premature based on one day of interaction

HIM: We need more than one day to get to no someone

ME: KNOW!!! not NO!. OMG.

HIM: I’m say it short that all

ME: Don’t. It isn’t right. OK I’m going to do something else.

HIM: Like what?

ME: Talk to someone whose grammar isn’t giving me anxiety attacks

HIM: I must be giving you some joke

ME: No you really aren’t.

HIM: Ok

HIM: I talk to you tomorrow if that ok

 

Long silence from me

 

HIM: Don’t want to talk me again lol good night

ME: night

HIM: So we talk later?

ME: no

HIM: Why not?

ME: What for? I told you no and you’re still trying it.

HIM: I just have a feeling your a good lady

ME: you’re! see what I mean?

HIM: I’m just saying that all you don’t have to look to deep in to it.

 

Runs off to scream into the Chelsea Moon. I can’t do it.

© Chelsea Black