So I know I’m meant to have my own theory which has been cut and paste from all of the media outrage. I’m meant to either see Rihanna as a pathetic victim or a savvy business woman  which is just the latest Madonna /Whore dichotomy for celebrities. I know I am meant to be appalled but the fact of the matter is….I don’t really care.

Not that I don’t care about domestic violence because I do but do I care what led up to the incident? No and why should I because that would suggest that he had good reason to do it. He doesn’t.  Do I care why she is back in studios working with him? No because that would suggest that the decision was hers and not that of both their management or financially motivated. Do I care that he has anger management issues and is volatile with journalists provoking him like they would poke the bear in the cage? I really don’t care.

My theory is simple. Manager for Chris spoke to manager for Rihanna after a wild sex and drug party and realised that both of their 15%s had significantly decreased since the split. They had to orchestrate a reunion but not one that made Ri Ri look too pathetic whilst maintaining her victim / strong woman status. And so they decided a professional reunion would be best with some social hang outs strategically planned. Had Rihanna really wanted to avoid Chris Brown she would have hired Katy Perry’s friends who are kind enough to tell her when Russell Brand is on his way to a party so she can scarper. But no, Ri ri is paid to behave. Ok maybe there wasn’t a wild sex and drug party.

I recently went to a Capital FM event where Rihanna was on the bill. I was there to see….well let’s not go there. My pop leanings are legendary. Ri Ri came on late, looked semi bored and then disappeared. I wasn’t touched or moved by the performance. But then I doubt I’m their target audiences. Sadly for me Jason DeRulo was on the same bill. This was before the neck injury accident and we had to endure yet another MJ wannabe try to look effortless as he strained his over worked gym body (and I’m sorry that man is not that young  – purlease! He must come from The Florence and the Machines school of counting – 23 you say Flo? Yes 15 years ago) through the dance routines. Crack a smile Jason.

I will however never buy a Chris Brown or a Rihanna record. Maybe it’s because I still call them records and after Whitney I truly gave up caring about artists who seem to bathe in self destruction. It will only end in my misplaced sadness at yet another wasted life.

What I do care about are the women who defend Chris and post stuff on twitter about wanting him to beat them. But none of them are my young people so my caring is mild and fleeting.

And yet when one of their records comes on in the clubs I will dance. One is because half the time I don’t know who is singing it. The other half is because they are so well manufactured that they have the best producers, tracks and hooks of all the RnB pop folk. You can’t help but jiggle a bum cheek or two. I’ve tried to take a musical stand before with Tweedy Chav and her monster hit ‘Fight for this love’ but no one cared that I was boycotting. I blame Wayne Wilkins the songwriter from Croydon.

But pay money? I don’t bloody think so. And write about them again? I doubt I’ll have the energy. Now, where is that Lionel Richie programme from last night? Much more my speed.

© Chelsea Black