So there is such a thing as not being able to get a date for love nor money. I’m in such a phase of my dating cycle or a dating recession. 5 years ago there were 5, 6 dates a week and I was riding the dating high with tales galore and a wardrobe to match. This was before the need to post every single outfit on Instagram or facebook. Seriously, how many times would one want to be seen in the same LBD?
Ok some of them were NSA dates but, they count too, right? Don’t judge my precious. It’s not cute.
But then the dating bubble burst and now I’m in negative dating equity. My friends are starting to say it’s me. Words like, ‘too picky’ are being bandied around with careless abandon whilst none of them are offering anyone from their back up crew. You know, the 5 guys most women have that they could get with if pressed but don’t because it wouldn’t work out for long? Men also have backup crews too. They call them friends they fuck.
How is it that this year I’ve only managed to have ONE date and that one was based on my spending hundreds on plane tickets and warm clothing? This isn’t a life, this isn’t how dating is supposed to be!
Back in the day we were giddy on dating. Now you think twice before you leave your house. I don’t understand it. My male friends tell me that they don’t want a drinks date to turn into a dinner date. It’s too expensive. Huh? Is this dating recession completely financial or is there more to this phenomenon than meets the eye?
I get it you don’t want to waste money on a full on dinner. And god forbid she’s a drinker. That bottle of wine can quickly turn into two. Yes, yes the average woman does the reach for her purse but if you are old skool you wouldn’t dream of letting her pay for it. That’s sarcasm.
In my case I seem to be asked out a lot by men whose wallet gets detached from them more often than not but for those that don’t, why would you really resent paying for a dinner date? Is it because deep down you still think that dating is a transactional relationship in which sex is paid for? I would check what dating really means to you as I have no problem buying dinner for a new friend or colleague so why would dating be any different. You can also dictate where you go for dinner and make sure that it’s within your budget.
The internet has given people way too much access to people before the date. I don’t need to ask you over Nandos what you’re into because your eharmony or facebook profile told me everything I would normally ask to assess your suitability. It’s taken the mystery and anticipation out of dating a little. It also means that we can both be dating 20-30 people at one time without breaking a sweat. Tinder and Grind’r mean that it’s much much more. Dating is a loose term to describe anything where we are talking with the intent of somehow hooking up. I know some of you have your harems. Just say you’re window shopping and you’re not here to date proper.
Maybe you’re just tired. Dating is stressful and after a while it does start to feel like hard work. No longer butterflies and frantic calls to friends on what you should wear. Instead it’s fitting it in between work and Masterchef. You may have dating burnout in which case, take a break and come back to it later. Don’t force it. Nobody wants a reluctant date.
I hate being interviewed but having dating enough I know quickly whether someone is worth bothering with. Friends and my mother will say give them more of a chance but, when it’s a no, it’s a no, right? The most recent one went on and on about himself on the phone and didn’t seem interested in me at all. So I know I’m time poor and don’t have time for waste men. Most of us don’t want to date. We just want to relationship.
Unfortunately for men women still want the courtship so this lack of emotional seduction often doesn’t work. I don’t want a guy who is all too comfortable spending time in my flat but doesn’t think going out and exploring the city is important. Right there our values differ.
So check yourself on your dating recession. Yes there are a lot of options out there but by now you should know what’s important to you and what you want out of dating. Maybe you’re burned out and do need a break or maybe you’re still living like it’s 2008 and the recession was hard. Get yourself a taste card or a nandos card. You won’t regret it. Keep looking, stay positive and that right house, I mean person will come along.
© Chelsea Black
Thank you for your article. Your advice surely will help those in need of it. Thanks for positing.
-Marla B. Levie, President Focus on Aging