Dating Blocks the Imposter Syndrome
We are returning to dating blocks and a common one is the Imposter Syndrome. This is more common than some people will realise and often stems to old relationships and patterns which we are either unconscious of or we are holding onto because there is a secondary gain. It’s a window into our insecurities and well worth the time to examine.
According to my last profile you would easily think I was more outgoing than covid times have allowed. That was old me. Would new me be so social and go out clubbing and bar hopping? I’m going to go with no. I don’t even travel as much as before where I was out of the country at minimum 5 times a year.
And yet, I get it. Nobody wants to feel like they’ve been catfished or lied to right?
What is the Imposter Syndrome?
The official definition of imposter syndrome is “the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.”
Imposter syndrome is most commonly found in the workplace and can often take place after a promotion, pay rise or some sort of change in circumstance that individuals feel are too soon, too much of a jump or unexpected.
The problem with imposter syndrome is that it leads to hidden anxiety and insecurity which causes self sabotage to somehow prove that they were right and said success was never warranted.
In dating this is often around the 3 to 4 month mark as you are starting to unpeel the layers of each other’s personality.
Why Dating Imposter Syndrome?
Whether you’re dating online or offline you are sending out your best marketing representative out there into the dating universe. That photo from that angle that makes you look 12 pounds lighter or that description that makes you sound adventurous? Those aren’t the real you in your mind. And we ALL do it because we know that in the dating universe nobody is really looking for those few extra covid calories and someone who spends most of their time watching TV soaps.
So you say that you love traveling when you’ve only ever really been to Europe 5 times and you say that you go to the gym 3 times a week when, yes, you pass the gym 3 times a week on your snack run. But, your snack run is more of a walk and it’s less than a mile away.
Once you start speaking to someone you emphasise these attributes which clearly they liked (this is a lie as about 80% of dating is based on photos and looks) and then you start to feel the pressure of living up to dating image you instead of the real you. Sound familiar?
Imposter syndrome is all about how you feel about you. It has very little to do with the other person unless you find yourself with someone judgemental or critical. The reality is most people are so nervous and really just want to meet someone that they’re not looking to expose you as a fraud. Yes we’ve all been watching the Tinder Swindler but that’s some next level fraud. This is more about how you feel about yourself.
The majority of women are not dating feeling great about themselves and this is where the problem lies. A man will easily add a couple of inches to his profile not because he doesn’t know that he’s 5’9 but because he knows that women like men who are 6’0.
Chances are the imposter syndrome you are worried about is not as big as you think. Your few extra pounds are well hidden under a great sense of style. But if you want to get physically and emotionally naked then you’re going to have to be honest with at least yourself.
The other thing to point out is that confidence is sexy and attractive. If you are worried then that’s not sexy.