Catfish UK is coming!!

Very little excites me these days. American elections are over and there are still 2 months until popstar turned politician Bobi Wine tries to usurp Museveni in Uganda. I told you, I’m struggling without a TV and limited access to concerts.

So imagine my delight when I received an email asking me if I knew anyone who hadn’t met the person they were dating yet and wanted to come on the show. Knew anyone? How about living the nightmare. If I weren’t Dating Retired I’d be hunting down dudes myself because the struggle is real. Wait, let’s go back.

Why I don’t date fanbois

He friend requested me on twitter and facebook. First clue. Too eager. Choose ONE social media and done He then did the whole sycophantic fan thing and I fell for it because, why not? His profile friends were low in numbers but there were other people in them. Yes they were dated but not everyone was a selfie lover, right? And some of the more recent ones were weirdly angled but I’m also terrible with a camera phone. I barely facetime godchildren or nieces.

We both lived in London so long conversations were great but why couldn’t we meet? The excuses were work, money, fatigue and that he really liked to take his time getting to know someone before meeting. So instead we had long conversations on the phone. I don’t know how I got hooked but it helped that he supported the same football team? I know, hardly a sign of compatibility but it was a dry summer.

Eventually we accidentally met at the same event. I literally found out when he was there as we were texting. I literally caught him trying to sneak out. He was a lot bigger than his photos. Like half a person bigger. I tried to hide my shock as he hid his shame. Literally after hours of talking we spoke for less than 60 seconds before he scuppered off

Turns out that he was not only a catfish but also entangled. Of course he was unhappy and looking for an easy transition out of her house to mine. And his diet wasn’t going as well as he’d hoped so we weren’t scheduled to meet yet. Thus ended 2 months of my life I was never going to get back and we’ll never know how long he would have carried it on for

Dating on British TV

As you all know I’ve blogged about my struggles with shows like Married at First Sight UK, Celebs Go Dating and Five Guys in a Week. British reserve and no real belief that the couples will end up together after the first season has made me a sceptic. Is reality TV helping us?

But Catfish is fixing a problem. It wants to answer the question of if this REALLY is the one they claim to be or if you’re being taken for a ride. Deep down most people must know that the chances of their dating a model are slim to none but, you never know on this crazy internet. It saves you time and emotional energy. Maybe they really are busy but if that’s the case you would think they had the money to buy a phone with a camera as a minimum?

Could Catfish be your answer?

So here’s the thing: Lockdown is back and the Catfishing is strong out there. Now is the time to get the answers you want on why he won’t meet. Don’t buy that old excuse of too much work or distance being a factor when you both drive. Or that his computer camera doesn’t work. In this day and age? Nah. The worst thing may be some over ambitious filters on a phone.

9 months into Covid-19 and you haven’t met? Now’s the time to meet and see if they really are who they say they are. Or maybe you’re the one that’s catfishing someone. Why? What’s the reason? I’m dying to know!

And my Singirls / Singuys, if you do see this and go on the show, for fucksake ping me and let me know!! I want to watch it.

Catfish UK is coming!!