Breakfast in Bed

A-Sexy. B is for Breakfast

Which leads me onto breakfast. This is not a mandatory part of my day or the sexual relationship. But if HE wants to reward my efforts with Breakfast in Bed I’m not going to complain. But don’t expect it as part of the package if you are going to hers. This isn’t a B&B.

Firstly chances are if this was an impromptu thing then not everyone will have food to feed 2. I certainly don’t shop for One night stands in mind.  I am always suspicious of women that always have fridges that are full of food that men like such as beer and hearty home cooked meals. Where do you find the time chick! And what’s the point if you’re not in a relationship? This should tell you that she has way too close a relationship with food or that there is a man lurking in the background who pops by unexpectedly.

I know a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach but McDonalds do Bagels now which are healthy and delicious without the cleanup. Let’s move with the times. Then there are food intolerances and no nos. I keep meeting men who don’t eat pork. That’s my English Breakfast out then.  I spent a good portion of one day looking for non pork sausages for some youngster who was good enough to inform me that he planned to spend the night. I couldn’t ship him off to work empty stomach and all. But it turns out that many non pork sausages have pork in the casing. I thought about Eggs Benedict but I’ve not mastered Hollandaise Sauce and poached eggs are a recent addiction to my repertoire. So in the end I just cancelled the date. It was becoming too intense!

I had another who lay on my bed looking comatose. I woke up to every woman’s nightmare: A relative stranger in your bed who may or may not be breathing. Sadly he was still alive, just over dramatic. Apparently his hunger had reached such levels he couldn’t move and certainly wasn’t going to give me any more sausage. He hadn’t given me quite enough the night before so I was determined that he would not be leaving without one last poke.

I waddled off to the kitchenette to see what I could rustle up. He thought that Branflakes and Oats were the devil’s food. I mumbled something like “I thought you were hungry?” Any hoo, turns out he didn’t eat pork…so that was the sausages and bacon out, didn’t like tomatoes (they’re slimy) and liked his eggs gooey but with no mucus or burned bits and lots of salt. When he started going through my cupboards looking for bread (something you rarely see at chez CB) and muttering about me not having proper coffee I knew it was time for this dude to GO HOME! No sausage was worth this man in my kitchenette.  Besides he was looking a lot less tasty in the harsh morning light.

My suggestion is  that unless you want to keep him around which chances are you don’t that you find a local café which is open 7 days a week and take them there on the way to the tube or train station. This looks like you are being courteous but really you are kicking them out and getting them to pay to feed you if he’s a gent.  It’s the least he can do after the free Bed he hogged last night.

So if you see a slightly worse for wear black chick sitting silently in Chelsea Bun trying to think of ways to get a smug git to go home come save me my precious. Oh and I’ve switched to Cumberland sausages. Much tastier and filling

Happy breakfasting!

© Chelsea Black A-Sexy


One comment

  1. Haha! I never allow these people in my castle. In fact i am just back from a lovely school night sesh. Had to escape from under the arm pinning me to the bed to try and make me stay. But alas- he’s not a breakfast kind of guy so privileges were revoked until he learnt to warm up a croissant and NOT butter it in the middle!

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