A – Sexy: B is forBaby Mamas and Daddies
I know that this term isn’t considered to be a nice term now. Instead we have to say the mother of his child / children / pickney dem. I am not sure when or why it became a derogatory term but all I know is that if you are dating men in their 30s and 40s chances are you will encounter some with kids and not all of them divorced. They will tell you that she tricked him into getting pregnant or it was an accident or they weren’t together for long. I sit there thinking, condoms dude but just smile and nod sagely mumbling platitudes like ‘these things happen!’
So the etiquette is this: She is the mother of the children and will be long after you and he break up over the correct use of there/ their /they’re or your/ you’re or too, to and two. Yes, relationships are that fickle and we live in a textualised aged my precious. How will he ever help your kids with THEIR homework?
So don’t say anything negative about this woman. Same way you never get in between a man and his Mother. Nod sympathetically when he slags her off for withholding visitation, demanding money and turning up 2-3 hours late making you miss that special theatre showing of Vagina Monologues. He didn’t want to go anyway. Or when she accuses you of poisoning her kids with …attention or gifts. Or when she makes a parental decision that is totally self-absorbed and has nothing whatsoever to do with the children and their best interests. Because you know what? They’re not your kids they’re hers and it’s her job (apparently) to resent your presence in their lives. Besides she was there first. That is her territory.
But also make sure that you don’t become a slave to her demands. And if you suspect that they are still sleeping together then, grab your purse and run. I had one who managed to get the “bitch” pregnant whilst we were together. There is a VERY thin line and no condom one would guess between love and hate.
I don’t date men with kids as I can not be bothered with the hassle anymore. I’ve found that despite what they tell you most men haven’t navigated a healthy breakup with the ex when there are kids involved and you are then stuck with someone who is essentially still involved with someone else and who will always take priority. And rightly so. I’m a princess, it can’t work. I’ve accepted this about me and moved on. It didn’t help that one wouldn’t let me in her house and I had to wait in the car whilst they did the dreaded handover. That was it. I opted out of Baby Daddies.
Oh and if you do find that rare beast of a man who has a balanced healthy relationship with the mother of their child then hold onto him. But no, best you have your own life away from him and the kids because it’s so easy to fall in love with them all. Chances are if they are great kids their mother can’t be that evil, right?
Of course this all becomes much harder to handle when he has 5 children by 3 different women. Grab that purse!!
Happy Mother’s day.
© Chelsea Black