So Friday night I had plans. I was going to go for a quick drink then to a singles networking event. I got home around 2, drunk and piecing together the night through flashbacks and badly taken photographs. They really need to release this new iPhone already so that I can upgrade from crackberry. I never made it to the networking event.
I will say this about the spontaneous night out. Nothing beats it for meeting new people in London. I woke up to 3 new numbers in my phone. I discovered a new bar in Shoreditch and I have determined that all my misery lies at the feet of one bottle of rose …I’ll ignore the 4 bottles of champers.
Yes, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. So let’s breakdown the characters :
Lois – the friend who whatsapp’d about a quick drink. We always have random fun but this was uber random.
Neil – the married friend from her office who tagged along. Sexual tension between these two but I said nothing cos I’m a lady. OK. I did say something. I’m a romantic.
Gay skinny white dude – so gay, so white and I’ve got the dancing bruises to prove it. It was his leaving do. It was like being out with a young Kenneth Williams on tequila.
Ex con – the guy who lied and said he was 32? Yes 10-15 years ago. As someone who lies about their age I will say that people aren’t meant to gasp in horror at your lie. Pause maybe but not gasp. Yes you look like you had a hard life but dude, knocking 10 years off your age isn’t fooling anyone. He took a shining to yours truly but kept referring to my back off. People use that word? Apparently he likes women with legs and tits. I assumed that this was code for white women so didn’t take him too seriously.
Ann – she had her Ann Summers ensemble on as outer wear. A girl after my own heart. She was into Ex con though so we developed this weird 3 way. She had legs and tits. I had back off. Was ex-con angling for a 3 way? I guess we will never remember. I just remember some bad white girl dancing at the end. More me than her. Lots of bruises.
The boys from Cameroon – I picked them up in the first bar. One was too quiet to bother with but the other was kind enough to provide some snogging action later. Nothing like a snog to round off the night.
There was a lot of dancing, way too much drinking and a bit of flirting. Yes I’m a tad flirty it would seem but I blame it on East London. It’s just so dry! 😛 .
Ex – con called the next day and left a cute message. Against my better judgement I called back. He had that embarrassed “caught ya” voice as I heard kids in the background. NEXT!
Cameroon called 2 days later to see if I got home safely. I told him that clearly if he was that worried a call an hour after I left the bar would have been better? He seemed slow to grasp this concept. I just can’t train a newbie in dating etiquette. NEXT!
So despite having a great night out I ended up in a cab calling my Fubby who is Long Distance Call away.
Alas it’s Monday and the one thing is that we have the weekend to look forward to. Have a fabulous week folks!
© Chelsea Black