7 ways to reset after a Break-up
So, you’ve just survived a break-up. Whether it ended with a dramatic “take care” text, a quiet mutual understanding, or you suddenly found your ex on holiday with their “cousin” from Peckham, the fact remains: you’re back on the streets. And not the fun, “I’m 21 and just discovered tequila” streets. The mean, “I have a mortgage and a bad knee” streets.
But fear not, my fellow over-30s with disposable income and questionable relationship choices! Here are seven ways to reset after a break-up, reclaim your time (shoutout to Auntie Maxine), and thrive post-break-up.
1. Mourn, But Don’t Drown in the Melodrama
Yes, cry if you need to. Get a playlist together—Beyoncé’s Lemonade, a sprinkle of Mary J. Blige, some Burna Boy for balance—and let the emotions run through you. But don’t get stuck in the trenches of woe. One week of sadness is self-care; six months of “we were meant to be” is a therapy bill you don’t want.
Take time to reflect. Were they really the one, or were they just consistent with the good morning texts? Be honest with yourself. Growth comes from clarity, not revisionist history.
2. Look Good, Feel Good, Move Differently
Break-ups are a prime excuse for a glow-up. New trim, fresh braids, a wardrobe refresh—whatever makes you feel like the best version of yourself. And don’t forget the gym. If nothing else, you’ll be too busy flexing in the mirror to worry about your ex’s recycled Instagram captions.
And ladies, let’s be real: post-break-up, there’s always that one cousin or “friend” from uni who’s suddenly very interested in your well-being. If you do entertain them, just remember: old links rarely lead to new roads.
3. Vet Your Circle & Update Your Roster
Now, this is a crucial step. If your mutual friends are still inviting you to events where your ex will be present, it’s time to re-evaluate. There’s a difference between being mature and setting yourself up for unnecessary heartache.
And for my serial monogamists: yes, you may now explore your options. But let’s have some decorum. Don’t be that person who jumps into a situationship just to prove a point. Dating should be fun, not a competition of “who moves on first.”
4. Relearn the Art of Flirting (Because You Might Be Rusty)
Listen, if you’ve been off the market for a while, the flirting game might have changed. The last time you were single, people were still meeting in real life! Now? It’s DMs, voice notes, and a deep understanding of when to use the side-eye emoji.
Practice makes perfect. Start light—banter with the barista, exchange smiles at the gym, re-engage your social charm. If your flirting technique is stuck in 2012, you’re going to struggle in these digital dating streets.
5. Pick Your Apps Wisely (Or Avoid Them Entirely)
For those brave enough to re-enter the battlefield of dating apps, choose wisely. Hinge is for those looking for something serious (or pretending to). Tinder? Well, it’s still Tinder. If you’re over 30, Bumble and Inner Circle might be more your speed. But remember: apps are just a tool. If the options feel bleak, step outside. You still have networking events, brunches, and the classic “meet-cute at the Black-owned coffee shop” fantasy to explore. Wait, does London have Black-owned coffee shops? Ping me their locations!
6. Soft Launch or Hard Reset? You Decide.
There are two types of people post-break-up: the soft launchers and the hard resetters.
Soft launchers ease into the dating scene, keeping things light and fun. They entertain brunch dates, take cute candids with strategic cropping, and leave room for spontaneous romance.
Hard resetters? They wipe the slate clean, leave the country for a month, and return with a new number, a cryptic IG caption (“New chapter, who dis?”), and no interest in looking back.
Whichever route you choose, make sure it’s your choice. Not one driven by outside pressure or loneliness.
7. Protect Your Energy (And Your Sanity)
Your time is valuable. Your peace is priceless. And your ex? Irrelevant. Moving forward, be intentional. No more entertaining emotionally unavailable people because “they have potential.” No more letting loneliness trick you into texting people who should stay in the archives.
Love is out there, but so is inner peace. Make sure you’re prioritising both.
And there you have it: seven ways to reset after a break-up. Whether you’re easing back into the scene or diving headfirst into your next era, do it with confidence, a sense of humour, and a clear understanding of what you actually want.
Because if you’re going to be single at 30+, you may as well enjoy it—on your terms.
Good luck, and may your next situationship be worthy of at least a good brunch story.
© Chelsea Black ® 2025
