7 Signs You Are Sex-Depressed

Ah, sex. The three-letter word that makes the world go round… or at least keeps it spinning on something. But what happens when you’re stuck in neutral? It’s normal to take a break after a breakup but, how long is too long. Why are you struggling to get in the mood even when it’s just you! When your sex drive goes on an indefinite furlough, and suddenly even Idris Elba in a towel only gets a mild “meh”? Yep, you might be sex-depressed. And no, love, it’s not the same as just not being in the mood. Let’s break it down, with the 7 signs you are sex depressed.

Side note, I’m not a fan of Idris Elba but I know many of you are so …

1. The Thought of Sex Feels Like a Chore

Remember when you’d fantasize about that one person so hard it practically became a full-time job? Now the idea of getting sweaty under the sheets feels like another task on a to-do list you’ll never complete. You’d rather watch another rerun of Come Dine with Me—and that’s saying something. I’m currently hitting Chinese crappy dramas on Youtube pretty hard as well as podcasts on making money. This and the pillaging of the snack cupboard should be classified as criminal. There has to be more than this to my day! Am I self medicating to avoid the lack of energy I feel when thinking about dating and sex?

2. Your Sexting Game Is Dead

Your phone used to be a hotbed of “What are you wearing?” messages. These days, you can’t even muster a “Hey stranger.” The flirty emojis are gathering virtual dust, and don’t even talk to me about unsolicited nudes. (Though, let’s be honest, no one asked for those.). No more dick pics!

It’s gotten so bad that exs are starting to get 2 blue ticks on their messages. Yes, I’m reading archived conversations now just because I’m bored!

3. You Can’t Be Bothered to Shave… Anything

I recently went on holiday to Grenada and that was the only thing that pushed me into action. Because before that I was literally like – The bush is back, baby! Not for fashion, but because you simply cannot be arsed. Why shave when no one’s seeing the goods? Or worse, you’re so disinterested in your own libido that even the sight of your reflection in the shower doesn’t spark joy.

4. You’re Avoiding “That” Group Chat

You know the one. The WhatsApp group where your friends share stories of their latest escapades with men named Leyton and Craig. Every new voice note about what he did with his tongue sends you into an existential crisis. Who are these people, and why are they so bendy?

5. You’re Suddenly Overthinking Your Last Shag

Ah yes, the over-analysis phase. Was it good? Did they enjoy it? Was that position actually as awkward as it felt? This mental rerun is the equivalent of buffering on Netflix—useless and frustrating.

6. Vibrator Neglect

That trusty battery-operated mate of yours? It’s gathering dust in your bedside drawer. You’ve forgotten how many settings it has, and honestly, you’re not even tempted to rediscover them. If your vibrator had feelings, it’d be filing a grievance.

7. You’re Weirdly Judgy About Other People’s Sex Lives

Your mate tells you she’s had three new “situationships” this month, and suddenly you’re side-eyeing her like your nan at a barbecue when someone puts ketchup on a roast. Spoiler alert: you’re projecting.

So, What Can You Do About It?

Being sex-depressed isn’t a permanent state—it’s more of a layover at a very unsexy airport. To snap out of it:

Reconnect with yourself. Light a candle, put on your sexiest playlist, and remind yourself how fabulous you are. I would say go get a massage or something but even the thought of self pleasure may be a bit of a stretch.
Get physical (but not necessarily sexual). A little yoga, a brisk walk, or even a cheeky dance in your kitchen can do wonders. Movement will help with the cobwebs. Book that wax session in!
Talk about it. Whether with friends or a therapist, sometimes saying it out loud can help shift the funk.

And if all else fails, remember this: every dry spell ends. Sometimes, it just takes the right person, toy, or playlist to spark the fire again. But we need the universe to sort out bloody dating apps first

Now, go forth and reclaim your sexy, darling. And if you’re still not feeling it, pour yourself a glass of wine and let’s moan (British weather moan not porn star moan) about it together.

7 Signs You Are Sex-Depressed