Don’t get me wrong my precious I love being single but sometimes I question the reasons I have for getting into one. So here are my reasons for NOT getting into a relationship ….despite pressure from your mother.
1) Because you feel sorry for him
The pitiful man who tells you his whole sad life story is to be avoided. If he tells you he was a loser in his last relationship don’t think he is going to be any different with you. Like the guy I knew who couldn’t maintain a relationship. It soon became apparent why. I thought he was just another funny writer who was having a hard few months. Yes, he had kicked the drug habit but was still living with roommates, had a job in a petrol station and every other story was about him getting wasted on alcohol instead. I heard about his absentee Father and his aspirations for the future but months later ….why wasn’t he doing all the things he said he was going to do? I had to get out! He also thought eating out was too extravagant. He cancelled our date after I suggested a restaurant.
No, tell him you are gifting him space to get himself together before you get involved. Then run for the hills because the chances are he enjoys being a victim more than you enjoy being a healer. And there are only so many outings you can sponsor on a fabulous girl’s budget 😉
2) Because you are bored
When bored I have been known to jump online and do the one thing I swore never to do again. Yes, sign up for a dating website. This need to be busy and proactive in my search for love is actually counterproductive. There is an initial excitement in the build-up to a date but inevitably the majority of online interactions are just that, a virtual simulation of a life you don’t yet have. The last few times I noticed that I was meeting the same sorts of guys. They were young and hadn’t ever been in relationships over a year long or they were liars. When will guys stop denying they have kids until you here the child say Daddy in the background when you are on the phone. Or stop lying about having wives until she texts you and asks you to leave her man alone?
Best you get out of the house and do something when bored not jumping online. Believe you me, you’ll feel better and are more likely to meet a real person. I have met guys at supermarkets. It’s really that easy.
3) Because the biological clock is ticking so loudly dogs are staring at you on the bus
My biological clock arrived in the post this Spring around my birthday. The gift I didn’t ask for and one with no return address. I decided that I had to get pregnant and quickly. I loved being single be clearly the party was over cos my hormones had other ideas. To be fair to my hormones they still allowed me copious amounts of carbs and alcohol so I wasn’t too pissed at them. I looked around and the pool was looking shallow and murky with a flash of gold. Normally I am not one to lower the bar. Yet I started rationalising it:
a) Ok so the brightest thing about him is his golden tooth but, intelligence is more nurture than nature right? I will just have to save and put the mini Blacks into tuition classes from….well from birth.
b) Ok so he has 4 kids with 4 different women and promises great sex whenever I want it but I don’t need a financial support. Just the sperm , right?
c) Ok so the sperm bank describes him as 6’2 with a Master’s degree and African descent but there isn’t an area to tell me ….how ugly is he?
So here is what I have learned. Never make an emotional or hormonal based decision on dating. Yes you can have that take away or that chocolate because your oestrogen levels say that’s what you need not to kill people on your way home but to date someone because your time is running out is emotional suicide. And it’s not right to get into something with someone wrong just for his sperm. Chances are his sperm is just as dodgy as he is. And you’re going to have to put up with him for the next few decades.
4) Because you reckon it’s the fiscal thing to do
As some of you my pet peeve is the discrimination on the cost of living for those of us who are single. Why is it that I only get a 25% discount on my council tax for being a single occupant? Shouldn’t it be 50%?!? And why is the special at M&S for dinner for 2? Is the general consensus that single people don’t need deals? The standard Bogof deal isn’t good for us because with the size of my fridge it just means more food goes to waste.
So then I thought about all the money I would save if I was in a relationship. But in this financial climate beware my precious. I have been on dates where men have blatantly invited me out but don’t make eye contact when the bill comes. I hear stories of child support payments etc (which are never that much which begs the question, why do they complain about paying a few hundred a month towards the upkeep of their child…but I digress) and I have eaten more Nandos than even I, a weekly Nandos supporter thinks is healthy.
5) Because your friends are in one
The problem is that we were a crew. We did everything together, could call each other at time of the day or night and just hang. I remember reading about Gayle, Oprah’s best friend. Her husband said Oprah used to call at all hours and he felt that this was the reason that the relationship ended. That, and the fact that Oprah gifted Gayle loads of money and he couldn’t compete. Finding new friends is bloody hard so the next best thing is to date too, right? WRONG
I remember one of my first boyfriends at school was a friend of my best friend’s boyfriend. He was a chef and working already. He didn’t understand why anyone would do A levels and when my Dad asked him about his GCSEs he admitted that he didn’t have that many. We didn’t have a lot in common. But it did mean I got to see my best friend more than if he wasn’t my boyfriend. Eventually it ended as I didn’t know anything about cooking and my parents didn’t understand anyone who didn’t understand education.
So now I keep my social circle bigger and more flexible. I don’t just hang out with the besties as they are known to go off and leave you at the drop of some man’s pants. But better that than spending time with someone you really aren’t that into. I do enough of that at work
Got some reasons of your own? Comment and let’s add them to the list. Smooches my precious.