10 things I hate about Tinder

A quick list of the 10 things or types I hate about Tinder as it’s the app I found the most frustrating. If you are out there winning and smashing it (no pun) on Tinder then, more power to you but save a prayer for those of us struggling.

1.     No Photo

I hate the dudes who don’t bother with a photo. Dude! We know you’re not a celebrity. You’re probably just a sloppy cheat! Even me who is extremely camera shy managed to scrape together photos of more than my cleavage. Just don’t app if you’re worried about getting caught because trust me you WILL get caught. The Sista network is better networked than any MI5 or spy network the world has ever seen. So yeah, no photo is annoying as I have to click in to see if you’re maybe just bad with technology and have them somewhere else. No face, no swipe.

2.     The job light ones

Those who use Tinder during working hours like the rest of us don’t have a job. Like, Fam, I don’t have time to flirt cute when I’ve got a Becky breathing down my neck. It’s really inconsiderate and they get really upset if you tell then you’re working and can’t chat. This isn’t the Samaritans for the lonely. Don’t you have friends to send your poetry or memes too? Me who loves a good meme is saying enough, I beg. Don’t you work

3.     Liar, liar, pants on fire

Lies about age and height etc are just stupid. But on Tinder the lying by omission is heavy. In earlier versions of the app it linked to Facebook and its algorithms so you saw friends and profiles etc. Scarily so. But at least you were able to see photos of him and the missus before meeting up with him. Many will forget to tell you about children, prison time spent, spouses, debts.

4.     The braggadocious braggarts  

So you’ve done things have you? I get it but this selling me the dream life like you’re a YouTuber selling NFTS or nomad living isn’t going to work when you’re living in a bedsit just back from another packaged adventure to Asia to see tranquilised tigers.

Or the ones outside their cars. I swear I don’t know anything about cars so this will not impress.

I actually have no idea what the date is meant to consist of but typically these ones bore you with the background to those photos and profiles like they’re being interviewed by Oprah. It’s great to tell me who you are but don’t boast and then not be able to back it up on the date . Look out for jobs such as entrepreneur, artist and er coach.

5.     The timewasters part 1

So there are two types of timewasters. The first is the pen pal. They love to write back and forth, hardly ever do calls and want to be all up in the therapy couch, feelings thing before you’ve meet. Chances are you will never ever meet up because they just want free coaching / counselling. A shoulder to lean on, someone to hear their lonely cry. Run. This dude will be in exactly the same place in another 10 years lamenting his older age inability to get himself someone. A dreamer.

6.     The Timewasters part 2

These are the opposite. They spend a lot of time building up to the meeting and then they either cancel or stand you up. It’s all a game for them. I don’t know if it’s because they’re angry at some woman from 1993 or if they’re emotionally stunted but they love to waste time. Then the ghosting and blocking like you’re dry begging for the dick you never met is bizarre. It’s twisted. I wonder if they have a group where they talk about all the women they’ve tricked into travelling to see them

7.     The Catfish

Yeah we don’t want you to be fugly but this thing of posting photos of others then turning up on the date has to stop. It’s not safe for us to be out here meeting people whose photos we have never seen. Come clean before the date instead of hoping she will capitulate based on not wanting to waste an outfit and travel card.

8.     The Sex Pests

The ones who are looking for a hook up only but don’t say they just want sex. Always with the questions about how available your place is for a hookup. Understandably some may be broke but still, why would I be hosting you before we’ve met? Just say you want sex and let me decide if that hazy gym shot from 8 years ago is worth me cleaning the flat for.

I know of a guy recently who wanted anal sex. Cool. Do you Dude. He stated his purpose and didn’t try to trick others into a relationship when all he wanted was heteroanal. I mean, my friend wasn’t in the same place but at least they didn’t bother each other for long.

9.     The Age Algorithm

Let’s face it you are the age you are but of course everyone thinks they can do younger without consequences. It’s a time waste bruv! You’re going to have to teach them shit that a woman your age already knows. They won’t remember the 90s because they were being breast feed or worse, conceived.

10. The Commitment-phobes

Few will be honest but many have been on the app since the beginning with little break. It’s the rush of dating they want and nothing deeper. That’s fine but maybe change your profile to reflect this instead of pretending to want something else. Just saying, there are women out there who want what you want. Be that man instead of pretending to be someone else.

And there are my 10 things I hate about tinder? It’s more an annoyance than a fun way of meeting new people now. But, I do know ONE relationship that turned into marriage and babies from it so I’m guessing that early adopters had the most fun with it.

Happy Tindering!

© Chelsea Black ® 2022

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