September 7, 2012 by

She’s got a ticket


Categories: BLOG, DATING, Latest

So remember the guy I went out with a couple of weeks ago? 3 kids, a taste for porsches, gold teeth and a chip the size of a diamond mine? He’s got a fast car? He’s back

After not hearing from him I figured that the feeling was mutual and that we weren’t a match. I don’t know why but a date where the person is trying to put you down for things you can’t change about yourself like university and where you live isn’t really winning. I’ve never understood why I should rewrite my backstory to make men feel better although….I have started lying and telling people I live in Shepherds Bush. What they don’t know is that it means I live there when it’s open as I shop a lot but, it’s a great place for them to drop me off and me to take the tube back to the river. Good times but I digress

So 10 days later I had given up. I mean everyone knows that no contact 3 days after a date is indicative of a blatant lack of time or interest. I don’t see why either is acceptable.

Then we have this text exchange.

Day 1

Goldie: Fronting like a nigga aint on ur mind loooool

Goldie:  Hope ur well Miss Thaaaang

Now as you know my precious I was suffering man flu so wasn’t about to reply until the next day

Day 2

Me: Sorry who is this? Being the delicate flower that I am I was sick with man flu for 2 days. I’m dramatic like that. Just left the house XXXX

The XXXX indicate that clearly I know who this is but that 10 days of silence will not go without some comment

20 minutes later

Goldie:  Sorry who are you?

Me: Get your own jokes luv.

Goldie: Clearly a woman. A name would be nice

Me: Clearly. I guess I will just remain the text you never quite figured out. Never mind. (I wanted to add you dumb fuck but I think we’ve established that he’s not the brightest.)

Day 3

Goldie: Over stush luv.


I had to stop myself because it was starting to turn into more than it was. I wanted to say you can’t be over stush. But why was I wasting my time engaging with someone who could never be more than a one-time shag. I mean there is no way in hell I would breed with this man. And he has so many issues with class and culture and not knowing who Tracy Chapman is that I don’t even know if I could endure the pillow talk between rounds.  I think a few years ago I would have wanted to ensure that we didn’t end things on a sour note. Black London is so small after all but then I thought, hold on, he’s the idiot, why bother?

So in the words of Tracy Chapman She’s got her ticket and yes I’m riding out of here. Have a great weekend my precious

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups

2 Responses to She’s got a ticket

  1. ronke

    I hate to say I told you so….even though you knew it already but I’m even spending more time than he deserves by writing this comment.

    • chelseablack Post author

      Firstly you don’t hate to say it 😛
      Secondly we have indeed wasted more time than he deserves on idiot body. A lush body is not enough these days it seems. I bet I’m going to be labelled fussy or stush by some. Moving onto another one now 😉

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