How to make the first move – a wily woman’s guide
You’ve heard it all before: “Let the man take the lead,” “Don’t come on too strong,” or my personal favorite, “Men don’t like masculine women” Really? In 2024? It’s high time we retire these outdated notions. Podcast bros and their insecurity shouldn’t put you off finding a secure man who appreciates a confident woman. A modern woman doesn’t wait around, yet that doesn’t mean we’re abandoning our femininity. The two are not mutually exclusive! In true woman boss style, women making the first move while still embracing everything that makes you feel feminine.
Let’s take a deep dive into making the first move without losing the essence of who you are.
1. Confidence is Sexy, Not Aggressive
Let’s get one thing clear: being confident is not the same as being aggressive. There’s no need to bulldoze your way into someone’s life to show interest. Confidence is about knowing your worth and being comfortable enough to put yourself out there.
Instead of waiting for someone to notice you, make sure they can’t help but notice you. That could be as simple as making eye contact across the room, flashing a smile, or even starting the conversation yourself. No need to storm in and take charge like you’re in a boardroom meeting; just bring your natural charm and grace.
You could try something like:
- “Hey, I noticed we were both here alone and thought I’d introduce myself”
That’s it. Bold, but still graceful. It sets the tone that you know what you want, but you’re not overwhelming anyone with your presence. That’s making the first move without being too much.
2. Banter Like a Pro
Ah the importance of humor and wit in dating.You don’t need to be Ali Wong though so make sure it doesn’t turn into a stand up show. If you want to make the first move but still maintain that light, feminine energy, banter is your best friend. You need to know how to playfully challenge someone without turning the conversation into a full-blown power struggle.
It may not be the time for a full on, drag out fight on politics or Windrush or football so keep your banter light and breezy. But don’t be afraid to show your intelligence.
3. Feminine, Not Passive
One of the biggest misconceptions is that being feminine means being passive. No, honey. Being feminine is about owning who you are, embracing softness, intuition, and empathy—while still taking what you want. Femininity is not about waiting in the wings for someone else to make the first move; it’s about using your inner strength to create the situation you want.
Here’s a perfect example: You’ve been exchanging glances with someone all night, and they still haven’t made a move. You don’t have to sit there waiting. A gentle nudge can go a long way. Slide up next to them and casually say:
- “Hey! I’m XXX . What brings you to YYY?”
By making the first move, you’re in control of the situation, but the delivery is warm and approachable. It’s not a demand, it’s an invitation.
4. Dress the Part—But for YOU
Now, we can’t talk about making the first move without discussing how you show up. Dress for yourself, not for them. Whether you prefer a killer pair of heels or a slinky dress, your outfit should be about what makes you feel powerful and feminine.
When you’re dressed in a way that makes you feel confident, that energy will radiate. People will pick up on that vibe. You won’t even have to make the first move sometimes because you’ll naturally draw people to you. Your outfit is an extension of how you’re feeling inside, so make sure you’re dressing in a way that represents your inner girl boss and your soft femininity.
My outfit of choice is tight black leggings and a smile 😉
5. Lead with Vulnerability, Not Walls
Making the first move can feel daunting, and sometimes we shield ourselves with layers of bravado or detachment. But here’s a little secret: vulnerability is not a weakness—it’s a strength. There’s nothing more feminine than showing your authentic self while confidently making the first move.
You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not. If you’re nervous about starting a conversation or putting yourself out there, embrace it:
- “This is a little nerve-wracking, but I couldn’t leave without coming over and saying hi.”
That honesty is both disarming and refreshing. You’re making the first move, yes, but you’re also opening the door for real connection.
6. Be Direct—But Don’t Lose the Softness
A lot of people think making the first move means being direct to the point of harshness. But a real one knows how to balance directness with warmth. You can be clear about your intentions while still keeping the interaction light and positive.
Imagine you’ve been texting someone for a bit, and things have been going well. Instead of waiting for them to ask you out, you take the reins:
- “I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. We should grab a coffee this weekend.”
Simple, clear, and confident. You’re making the move without any ambiguity, but it’s still lighthearted and soft. You’re letting them know you’re interested, but you’re not coming across as too intense or pressuring.
7. Know When to Step Back
Here’s another key point: after you’ve made the first move, know when to step back. You must understand the power of space. You’ve shown interest, but you don’t need to chase anyone down. Let them come to you. If they’re interested, they’ll reciprocate, and if they’re not, well, that’s their loss. I know we all love some cyber stalking but please I beg don’t lol at every post this man makes. Then he’ll think he’s funnier than he is!
Don’t fall into the trap of over-pursuing. After all, you’ve made your wily move —now let the dynamic unfold naturally.
Conclusion
Making the first move doesn’t mean compromising your femininity. In fact, it’s about owning it fully. You can be a boss in the dating game without losing your soft, intuitive side. It’s all about balancing confidence with warmth, directness with approachability, and strength with vulnerability.
So next time you spot someone you’re interested in, don’t be afraid to take the lead. Smile, start the conversation, issue that playful challenge. Make the first move like the girl boss you are, and watch them fall in line—because confidence and femininity together? That’s irresistible.
© Chelsea Black ® 2024
