Why Women Shouldn’t Change Their Names
Just come back from the Passport office (am I the ONLY person who didn’t know that the London office moved to Customs House? I almost went to Victoria but I digress) where I finally decided to reclaim my full name back after over a decade of divorce. I swear this was harder than changing it the first time which happens automatically after the wedding. But yes, I’m free from an ex I never speak to and I’m back to being me. Got me thinking about why women shouldn’t change their names. I seriously can’t see the benefit?
The Admin Hell
I’ve seen it too many times — a new bride or mum happily changes her name, thinking it’s just a sweet part of life’s next chapter. But before you dive into the paperwork, let’s pause and reflect. Changing your name might sound like a minor adjustment, but it’s actually a big deal. It can chip away at your identity, and spoiler alert: if you ever want to change it back, it’s not as easy as saying “Oops, my bad.”
First, let’s deal with the admin. Changing your name is a monumental hassle. It’s not just signing a dotted line; it’s a bureaucratic nightmare. You need to update all of your documents including passports, bank accounts, email addresses at work credit cards, utilities. It’s exhausting. Oh, and if you decide to switch back? Yes, you’ll be drowning in paperwork again. Not so romantic now, right?
I’m going to spend the next 5 weeks ploughing through this and having to whisk out the ole decree absolute for all to see. Yes I was previously married. Yes, now I’m not. Not he’s not in my life. One bank said I needed to get a signed letter from him to take him off of an account that was tied to mine. I’ve left 48 pence in that account for 7 years as punishment and they send me letters every month surely costing more than 48p. Fuck ‘em.
Your Identity Matters
But beyond the paperwork headache, what about you? The name you’ve carried your entire life is more than just a label; it’s tied to your identity. It’s your history, your career, your reputation. Giving that up, even for love, can leave you feeling like you’ve lost a part of yourself. You’ve spent years building who you are — why let all that get buried under someone else’s name? It’s 2024, ladies, not the 1950s. I struggle when I see friends on farcebook etc and I don’t know their names anymore. They will always be whatever we grew up calling them and that’s kinda cool when you’ve known people 30 odd years.
Same Name as the Children?
Some people will say, “But what about the children?” Ah yes, the desire to have the same name as your kids. Here’s the thing: your bond with your children is far stronger than any surname. A name doesn’t make you a family; love, time, and shared memories do. Plus, there are plenty of ways to navigate this. Hyphenate, double-barrel, or let them have their other parent’s name. It’s 100% possible to create a modern family dynamic without you having to sacrifice your own identity.It’s old fashioned and isn’t the protection it used to be! Also maybe they should have your surname. Just saying!
Old fashioned
Changing your name for the sake of tradition or convenience doesn’t just send a subtle message — it reinforces outdated ideas about ownership and submission. By keeping your name, you’re standing up and saying, “My name is mine, and I won’t be defined by someone else’s.” Previously giving someone your name was protecting them physically, financially and emotionally. This is no longer the case so why lose your name? Because, trust me, it’s easier to keep your name than it is to reclaim it.
So, ask yourself if you want to lose a part of my identity for the sake of tradition? Because it’s much easier to keep your name, and still be the amazing mum, wife, or partner you already are.
And hence why I truly believe women shouldn’t change their names. Unless you really want to which is also fine. Go into this with your eyes wide open if you want the same name as the man you’re committing to. Feminism is about choice after all and if you want to then don’t let anyone make you justify your choice.
— Chelsea (and no, my kids won’t care if we don’t share the same last name)
© Chelsea White 😛