I’ve come to accept that the question “Why are you single?” isn’t the double edged insult I take it for. Some people genuinely are perplexed when they get to know you and you say you’ve been single for a long time. I know that I’m supposed to take their shock as a compliment. Whatever. It’s not a disease!
So when a client said today that he couldn’t believe I was single I answered “I know! Right?” in my version of an English New Jersey chick accent. (this makes sense in my head.)
We made our way to a meeting where I advised him not to say too much (he has a tendency to give information that isn’t necessary) and we would be out of there in 10 minutes. An hour later and we left exhausted. But it was all over. As we were parting ways he said, “I know why you’re single.”
Oh? Was that an actual question earlier?
He then said, “You’re too strong willed and men don’t like that.”
So as I waited in the cold for a bus to a part of London that used to be Essex I thought about his statement and a few things struck me.
1) I don’t remember asking for the reason I was single
2) I don’t know that there is always a reason. Just circumstance or choice.
3) How did I come across as too strong willed in an hours meeting? I was on my best behaviour!
4) Why is the single girl always to blame? Doesn’t he know it’s all the men that I meet 😛
5) When will people stop labelling single as a negative thing?
6) What is this new thing some people have about giving others feedback?
I’m not going to lie. It set me back my precious. I don’t want to have to examine myself and think that there is something wrong with me. Too strong willed? Is this another way of saying I won’t take shit? Well duh! But why should any woman take shit from anyone? (The meeting was with 2 women. One was aggressive the other passive aggressive.)
But then I got to thinking about it and I know that those who are in relationships feel that everyone else should be in one even if it’s not the right one. Mr Right Now? Like Sugar Brown I don’t have that time for that!
I’ve noticed this feedback phenomenon online and I think it’s seeping into real life. Online we actually do solicit comment from strangers. But like so many classic errors this shouldn’t be replicated in the real world. We must stop, think and appreciate that every individual is more than a culmination of hash tags and blogs. Or, their current financial or relationship status. Yes let’s not talk about your money boo boo.
So next time you feel the need to give your friend any advice, stop and think about whether or not they asked for it. Is this your role in life, to tell people about themselves? If you’re getting paid, cool but if not then maybe wait to be asked!
Now where’s the chocolate? Chocolate next talks back to me. Well, it does but it only says sweet things. Then goes and slaps itself on the arse behind my back.
© Chelsea Black