Why African Polygamy Doesn’t Work in the UK: A Culture Clash Too Big to Handle
Yesterday I was at the Black Business Show representing Coffee Matches and a dude came up talking about he wanted 3 wives all living in their own homes who would have him for 2 days a week. Apart from being a dick he gave hotep incel energy. So, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: African polygamy and why it just doesn’t work in the UK.
Now, before anyone clutches their pearls, hear me out! Polygamy, as it stands, has deep roots in African culture, and while it works (ish) in some countries, the UK is not one of them. It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole—it’s not just awkward, it’s typically an organised way of treating women as commodities.
Please note that this is polygamy not polyamory so, only the man had multiple partners. It stinks of outdated patriarchy that doesn’t benefit women. But the men them will be having you believe that they are a prize and you should be grateful that you’ve been chosen. It suits the most mediocre and insecure of men.
1. Legality is a Brick Wall
First things first, polygamy is illegal in the UK. So, from the get-go, any attempt to replicate a cultural practice that’s not recognized under British law is already off to a rocky start. There’s no negotiating with Her Majesty’s government on this one. It’s not about respecting tradition or culture—they just don’t care if your great-great-grandfather had five wives. In the UK, your second marriage is called bigamy, and you’ll get more than a slap on the wrist for it. Some Black Men are trying to get women to be in traditional marriages without the legal. Just remember when he kicks the bucket you’ve got nothing to protect you or your kids.
But let’s pretend for a second that legality wasn’t an issue. What other hurdles would African polygamy face in this quaint little kingdom? I’m glad you asked:
2. The Financial Nightmare
Now, we know raising a family in the UK is not cheap. We’re talking sky-high rents/ mortgage rates, astronomical energy bills, and don’t even get me started on childcare costs! Managing one household is hard enough—now imagine adding multiple wives and a football team’s worth of kids into the mix. The financial pressure alone could make anyone buckle under the weight.
In many African contexts, extended family and communal living help spread the labour load. But in the UK? You’re lucky if you can find a neighbour to watch your kids for five minutes, let alone contribute to your household expenses. Polygamy requires resources—resources that, frankly, most people in the UK don’t have in abundance. And the government isn’t exactly handing out ‘multiple spouse benefits’ either. If he claims to have it then check if it’s sustainable. Many can front for a year or two but this is for decades. You got decades money, Son? Then no!
3. Cultural Expectations and Power Struggles
Let’s not forget the cultural shock. In many African societies, polygamy often comes with the expectation that the man is the head honcho, with wives playing more submissive roles. But, darling, this is 2024 in the UK, where feminism is strong, and individual rights are fiercely protected.
Most women in the UK won’t entertain the idea of playing second (or third or fourth) fiddle. And I mean, who can blame them? You’ve got a generation of women who’ve been raised to be independent, career-driven, and assertive. You can’t simply expect them to just “fall in line” because tradition says so.
Throw in a multicultural environment where various values and beliefs are celebrated, and suddenly that patriarchal model of polygamy just doesn’t hold up. Even if the women agree to it initially, the long-term power struggles and jealousy often create a breeding ground for conflict. What happens when wife number three wants the same autonomy as wife number one? Buckle up, because it’s about to get bumpy.
4. The Emotional Toll
Managing relationships is already hard. I mean, most people struggle to keep one romantic relationship going smoothly, let alone juggling multiple wives. Each marriage has its ups and downs, and trying to balance different personalities, emotional needs, and expectations is no small feat. Now multiply that by three or four, and what do you get? Emotional chaos!
In the UK, where mental health and emotional well-being are increasingly prioritized, the emotional toll of polygamous relationships could be devastating. The constant struggle to maintain harmony and equality between spouses is exhausting. And let’s be real—when feelings of neglect, favoritism, or inadequacy set in, resentment isn’t far behind.
5. The Children’s Dilemma
And what about the kids? Children growing up in polygamous households might struggle with identity and stability, especially in a Western context where nuclear families are the norm. There are issues of favouritsm and being invisible where there are too many families with one father. How much time does he spend with the kids or is child rearing SOLELY a woman’s responsibility? Schools in the UK are built around the idea of a “mum and dad” dynamic, and anything that deviates from this often raises eyebrows. Kids may face bullying or ostracization, and that’s a burden no child should carry.
The Bottom Line
At the end of the day, African polygamy in the UK is a cultural mismatch. It’s like trying to wear sandals in a snowstorm—just because it works somewhere else doesn’t mean it will work here. Between legal restrictions, financial pressures, cultural clashes, emotional strain, and the challenges for children, the case for polygamy in the UK is paper-thin. But Black Men are coming out strong on dates talking about this is what they want. It’s a huge red flag. Likelihood is that he realises that he can’t completely make one woman happy so now he’s determined to upset three.
So, next time someone floats the idea of bringing African polygamy to the UK, remind them of this: some traditions just don’t travel well. And this one? It’s staying right where it belongs.
© Chelsea Black ® 2024
