Well duh!

A-Sexy: D is for DUH!

Quick post: Lines that men have said at inappropriate moments that have mildly or gravely annoyed me. Not all crimes carry the same severe penalty I guess.

1)      I don’t want you to fall in love with me. Women fall in love with me.

This as he’s clumsily kissing my neck and I’m planning my escape. My response? I’ll do my best not to but I can see why it’s hard. Sarcasm was wasted. We were not a match. I later found out he was married with a wife in the village. So that’s why the warning!

2)      So what’s the deal with your landlord?

Landlord? Just shows how you think and no, pillow talk is not the appropriate time to propose we live together. I met you hours ago dude. I don’t even know your last name or Facebook password. We clearly aren’t that tight!

3)      My gear would look really good over in that corner

The married DJ who thought he would have free accommodation. I’m thinking his wife might have noticed his missing decks eventually, right? And the missing husband.

4)      So what, what you saying?

Nothing because you haven’t asked a bloody question. @jonzid tells me that this means How are you doing but it has to be in context. My translation is “So what, are we gonna bang or what doh!!” Er, DUH! No we are not.

5)      So what , is this a regular t’ing or what? / Where do you see this going?

Women aren’t the only ones that ask stupid relationship based questions after sex. Don’t think as I was climbing and squirming all over you like a dog in heat that I suddenly want the relationship talk. Ideally I would like you to leave so that I can starfish across the bed and fall asleep. But nooooo you want to chat shit but are looking at me like please say it’s just a one off sex thing? Next time I’m going to propose marriage just to watch the colour drain from your face.

6)      I’ll come over for dinner shall I and we can discuss it.

This when we are having a conversation on the phone? Nah mate come ‘round and bring dinner including the pinny you are going to cook it in or come ‘round after dinner. Otherwise you will go hungry. Don’t think I don’t see you and your tricks to get fed. NEVER!!

7)      Why you always sweating me? Don’t you trust me?

The line of the cheating man comes out if you ask him an innocent question like how was your day dear or whether he’s got plans for later this week. Not hard questions to ask but the defensive it’s you not me stance tells you what you want to know. He’s up to something

8)      Sorry, I thought you were done.

Why is it men pretend not to know when we have come? You will know and be rewarded for accordingly. Trust an orgasm is not something you will miss unless you are drunk, she is very quiet or you’re having sex at your parents’ house. This is why you need your own place dude.

9) Are you mad? I can’t help it

And I can’t help being mad. You should have held back 😛

DUH! You knew I wasn’t done and yet you rushed through your routine to make sure that you came first? Not impressed.

Any I’ve missed out ladies?

© Chelsea Black

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