We cool?

I was just talking to a friend and we agreed that passive aggressive behaviour is no longer a female thing. Men when dating it do it to and there is one phrase they use time and time again in different guises.

“So, we cool yeah?”

This is guy code for I know I messed up but don’t get hysterical and call me out on it. It means I don’t want to deal with you nagging me or telling me about myself. It means that basically if you want us to keep dating / f*cking/ not defining what it is that we are doing then you NEED to pretend to be cool with it. The other versions of this include I don’t understand why you are so upset and I thought we were just kicking it / hanging out?

But here’s the thing. We aren’t cool with you being an arse. And we are not going to keep quiet about it. Those that do only end up resenting having to squash their emotions or second guessing how they feel.

We cool? Is the height of patronising. It’s manipulative and it stinks of a person who is clever enough to be controlling. Not a good basis for any healthy relationship. We are not neurotic. We are just frustrated or annoyed. It’s allowed so stop telling us that this emotion is wrong.

You’ve been hanging out for weeks and then he finally gets with the girl he’s beein talking to for months. You’re upset because he hasn’t called in months but he pretends not to know why you would be this upset? Or he turns up late for a date with no explanation or apology. This is critical. A man who doesn’t think he needs to apologise or explain why he treats you the way he does isn’t worthy of your time my precious. I say this with love. Grab your purse and run. Run before you start thinking you have to act cool so as not to scare him away.

So, we cool yeah? No dude, I don’t think so.

© Chelsea Black